To Bring Back Yesterday
by GOLDpA9
Summary: Akira, a young schoolboy tormented by his past, was on the brink of losing himself when suddenly his best friend Sayori brings him to the Literature Club and his days become brighter, hopeful, even… at least before tragedy takes hold of his life once more. So, when faced with the opportunity to try again, would he be able to beat the past and rewrite the future? (AU)
1. Prologue

**_AN: Just wanted to pop in real quick to say a few things. Firstly, this is the first fanfiction I've ever written, so if it's a bit rough around the edges, I apologize. I promise I'll be getting better with each chapter. Also, you may notice that I released both the prologue and the official first chapter at the same time. I didn't want to drop just the prologue because I find that it's too short to be alone, but I also didn't want to combine it with chapter one so I decided to just release them at the same time. So, with that out of the way I hope you all enjoy what I've been working on and if you have any questions, comments, critiques, or concerns, please feel free to let me know!_**

Prologue

* * *

She was still talking to me. But why? Couldn't she see that I'm not there anymore? Couldn't she see that she had robbed me of everything I had? So why? I couldn't even understand what she was saying. Her voice sounded as if it was being projected to me from under water.

I felt like I was drowning. And yet she looked so content. It was as if she couldn't see how I was shaking. Like she didn't remember what she did to me. Like she couldn't even remember what she did to her friends.

I still couldn't hear her.

But could she hear me?

"Tell me why."

And she could.

She could hear me.

Clearly.

She stops mid-sentence,"Hm? What was that?" her gaze is inquisitive, thoughtful. Her emerald orbs study my own as if looking for an answer within them.

I swallowed and broke my eyes from her gaze. Feeling returned to my body as my heart began to pound furiously and my throat ran dry. But I couldn't waver, I couldn't let them down. I just couldn't be afraid anymore. I grab my wrist from beneath our shared desk to steady the tremors. Swallowing once more I begin again:

"Tell me why you did this. Why am I here? I- what even is this place? Monika, I-" my voice is suddenly extinguished.

I didn't even know her anymore. I thought I had her figured out: a kind-hearted, headstrong girl who has the passion and self-discipline to chase and achieve anything she put her mind to. She was undoubtedly the poster girl for perfection. And to think she had even inspired me to want to be more like her... I just hadn't known how wrong I was.

I still couldn't believe it.

Monika places her hand on my own and catches my gaze once again. That was common, our eyes meeting like this. At least once or twice a day back in the Literature Club our eyes would meet. It never lasted long, a moment, maybe two. Then it would be back to work; back to writing, back to discussing literature with Yuri, back to trading quips with Natsuki, back to joking with Sayori... and it was all gone. I would give anything to have that back. But now I'm stuck here alone in this dark classroom with the very person who took it all away.

"Akira," she begins, "You know why I did this."

Her voice is level and smooth. It was the same voice that used to calm me down and make me sure of myself when attempting to write poetry for the first time. Now, however, it makes the hairs on my arms rise.

"No," I whisper. I don't want to hear it, not again.

She smiles gently as if she didn't hear me, "It's because I love you."

There it was again. Those words that cut like knives. I couldn't take it anymore.

I pull my hand from hers and stare into her eyes, "How?" I demand. My voice quivered and my eyes began to burn, "How can you keep lying to me?"

Her emerald eyes flicker and widen in shock, "Akira," her voice becomes meek, "What are you saying?"

"You don't love me," the tears that I've been holding are finally allowed to fall as I continued to speak, "You don't love me at all. This isn't love. This is just wrong."

She's visibly hurt, struck down to her core. I had never seen her like this. Still, I couldn't force myself to feel bad even if I wanted to. After all, what she's feeling now is what I had felt for the past few days because of her.

"I-" she pauses and blinks as the tears began to roll down her cheeks, "I do love you. I love you more than anything. W-why do you think I did this?"

 _"Because you love me?"_ my words were laced with venom and mocked her tone, "You took everything I had. Sayori..." my voice staggers upon itself, "You manipulated her until she couldn't take it anymore. And I... I couldn't even be there for her; I couldn't be the person for her that I should've been. And Yuri... you drove her to madness until she killed herself. And you know what? I couldn't even stop her. I was too late. Again," my whole body was shaking, and my voice was becoming harder to keep under control.

I had held this in for so long... to release all of this raw emotion at once was truly liberating. "I don't even want to know what you would've done to Natsuki. I can't even begin to imagine what would have happened to her if she had tried to get any closer to me."

"Monika, I just can't take this anymore. So if you love me, if you really care about me, then prove it."

She looks worse than I've ever seen her. Her eyes had reddened with tears, the cuffs of her jacket had become wet due to them being used to wipe away the unending tears, and her mouth was twisted into a permanent frown.

"How?" she breathes shakily.

"Take it back. Take it all back. Bring us back," my words were desperate, but this was the only chance I had left.

"Akira... please," she sounded utterly heartbroken. And the way that she looked at me sent a sorrowful pang to my heart. Her eyes begged me to stop, but I couldn't.

"Monika, you know that you can do this. I know you can do this, with everything you've already done you must be able to reverse this. Please, I need my friends back."

She looks down at the desk and wipes the tears from her eyes.

"Please don't make me do this," she's visibly shaking now, her very essence is torn apart in grief. She knows that she's losing me.

"Monika," I stand rapidly and grasp her shoulders firmly. For the first time, she doesn't return my gaze, "I need this. Please."

Monika was warm, her muscles had tensed up beneath my grip, and I could feel the slight tremors that pulsed throughout her body. She stares at the desk and bites her lip. All had gone silent, save for her sniffles and the occasional _thunk_ of a tear connecting with the desk.

I realized after several moments that I was holding my breath, as I exhaled she reached up and placed her hand on my cheek. She stared intensely into my eyes as if she was searching for something within me that would assure her that I didn't know what I was saying or that I was merely joking.

"Do you really want this?" she asks meekly as if she was afraid of the answer, "This is what's good for you, right?"

I reply quietly, "I want this, this is the best thing for me."

She drops her hand from my face and back onto the desk.

"Okay, I'll do it." the sound of defeat, heartbreak, and misery in her voice mixes to form a concoction that, for some reason, tears me apart. For a moment I thought I was doing the wrong thing here. Maybe it was because it was only at that moment that I could see Monika's pain. For the first time she had let all of her defenses down, and I could begin to see through her facade. She wasn't at all who I thought she was. She was just broken and putting on an act. She never actually had it together as I thought. Instead, she must've been spending all her time trying to hold it together. I only just realized that she truly did love me. I recall the smile she had given me only minutes ago and realize that it was the most genuine smile she had ever given me. It was a smile free from restraints and free from all pain. She was truly happy.

And here I was taking that away from her.

I felt terrible for her, though I knew I shouldn't. She had done so many horrible things after all, so why should I feel bad if she's heartbroken or unhappy? Doesn't she deserve this? Though I want to believe that that's the case, there's a part of me screaming out against that. I just can't shake the feeling that there's more to her than I thought. Even though she destroyed my life, I still feel like there's something more that I just couldn't see.

"Close your eyes."

But there's no more time for me to dwell on that idea, it was already too late. Soon I'd be back to the day I joined the Literature Club. From there I'd have my chance to change things for the better. All that's left to do now is just to close my eyes.


	2. From the Beginning

Chapter 1

From the Beginning

* * *

I wake up in a layer of sweat that covers my body and dampens the sheets on my bed. I sit up and run a hand through my dark, damp locks and let out a labored breath. I swallow the small amount of saliva that has amassed in my mouth to ease my parched throat. My eyes begin to burn and water.

I feel like the embodiment of sickness.

Aside from my physical ailments, my mind races a mile a minute recounting the events that just happened. But the term 'just happened' would be incorrect here. If everything went the way it should have, then 'just happened' hasn't happened yet and hopefully never will. Basically, I should be back in time.

This would be, if I am indeed back in time and not in some fresh cut of Hell, Wednesday morning. Roughly around seven o' clock. The sky should be clear, and the birds should be voicing their songs to the world.

If everything went the way it should have, that is.

And if that's the case, then I should be getting a message right abo-

 _BZZT!_

My cell phone rattles against my side table sending a current of brief panic through my body. I glance at the phone, though I can't see what it displays due to my contact lenses not being in. A small part of me doesn't even want to know what it says in fear that nothing changed. But that's irrational; I know what it is. It should be a message from Ryosuke asking me if I want to check out his kendo club with him after school today.

I place my head in my hands and take a breath. I know full well that this worked and that Monika held up her end of the deal, I can feel it, but I still have reservations that something may very well be off. Well, there is one thing off, I was never sick the last two times I lived through this day. I take a look at my hands only to see that they've grown visibly paler, even in this dim light it's clear to see. I lean back and rest my head against the wall and close my eyes.

I've been given a chance to make something good out of an awful situation. If I can't even get myself out of bed right now, then I didn't deserve this. That thought alone was enough motivation for me to swing my legs over the side of my bed and stand up. A cruel response to my motivation comes in as a wave of dizziness spreads throughout my body like a harrowing current. I rest my fingers on my side table to steady my legs. I scan what now appears to be blurred shapes on the table for something that looks like the case that holds my contact lenses. Of course, as luck would have it, I can't seem to find it.

It suddenly dawns on me that I never put them there in the first place, they should be in the bathroom where I left them.

I feel for my phone and raise it up towards me. Luckily, muscle memory forced me to hold my phone far away from my face before turning on the blinding display. With a few swipes of the thumb I had turned the brightness down and could clearly see the date and time:

June 6, 2017

7:12 AM

As soon as the date and time registered in my mind, I was stabbed in the back of the head.

Well, at least that's what it felt like.

A mind-boggling, powerful demon of a migraine gripped my skull and refused to let go. The phone slipped from my hand, and my vision grew blurry. I press my hands to the side of my head and squeeze tightly hoping that pressure would alleviate the pain. But, of course, it couldn't be that easy for me.

The bathroom. I'd have to make it to the bathroom and take something for this, maybe run my head under the sink for a while. Something.

 _Anything._

Anything to stop this pain.

Each step I took towards the bathroom was like fighting an uphill battle while walking on flat ground. With each step, a rhythmic pulse of pain would terrorize my skull. It was like some seriously pissed off miniature goblin was inside of my head with the sole purpose of scrambling my brain into something that resembled a crudely prepared plate of scrambled eggs. Essentially, it was the most painful headache I've ever experienced in my life.

Upon finally arriving at the bathroom and being shocked yet again by the bright bathroom light, I managed to find some pain medication. I promptly threw the pills back into my throat and washed it down with water from the sink to which I immediately stuck my head under and let the water run over my already damp hair.

After several minutes of this, I turn the faucet off and collapse back against the shower door behind me. Water runs off my hair and onto my shirt and the white and black tiled floor. I pinch the bridge of my nose while simultaneously thanking whatever god is listening for ridding me of this headache from hell. Well, the headache was still there, but it felt more like pressure as if I had never removed my hands from my head earlier.

I slide myself up the shower door into a standing position, strip down to the nude, and recede into the shower's warm, water-based embrace. I rest my forehead against the wall of the shower and close my eyes allowing the water to cascade down my back in several different branches. At last, I was able to think and collect my thoughts.

Now that I know I'm back in the past for sure I need to have a plan of action. I need to be able to know exactly what I can do to change the course of this timeline. Obviously, that would mean I would have to save Sayori first. All I had to go on was the fact that Monika had amplified Sayori's depression from being harmful to debilitating which resulted in her committing suicide.

Suicide.

She had committed suicide.

Sayori. My best friend. My light.

Despite the heat of the water, the blood in my body ran cold as I thought back to that day. My headache came back with a vengeance as I recalled how she looked: pale, lifeless... gone in mind and spirit but still there in body. I still remember how I felt when I sat there, horrified and broken, unable to comprehend the weight of the situation. Except I did understand what was going on, I understood all too well; I just couldn't face the truth. I remember the only words that had gone through my head the entire time:

 _Never. Never. Never. Never._

Those words ran through my mind at a breakneck speed and tormented me with their cold truth, _'You'll never be able to take this back.'_ If Monika hadn't sent me back in time, I would have lost my mind right there. But then again, removing Sayori's existence from everyone else's memories certainly didn't help. When Sayori's existence was wiped from the face of the earth, I had felt so alone in holding all of the memories of her that I could never share again. The fact that my mind remained sound was an enigma I hope I'll never need to solve.

To quote myself, I should never, never, never, never have to experience that hell again. Not with this chance I've been given. I'll save her life no matter what, and I'll put a real smile on her face. A world without Sayori is a world without light. My world, anyway.

Next up would be Yuri. There isn't too much I know about her. She had always sheltered herself from the rest of the club so I could never correctly gauge her real personality, but as far as I could tell, and from what Monika said to me in that... place, she had an obsessive personality coupled with an unhealthy obsession with knives. She also seemed to suffer from self-harm. For just a brief a moment I remember when I had wanted to turn to the blade just to feel something different than the mundane everyday disappointment that plagued my life. I'm just glad I never did, but Yuri... I just hope I can talk to her and help her. If only she could open up to me, I'd never let her feel the pain of numbness again. I'm sure that in some way I could relate to her and maybe that way we could help each other through our experiences. Besides, I could see her as being a great friend to sit down with and discuss anything that came to mind for hours on end.

At least I don't have to worry about her psychotic breakdown as that just wasn't who she was at all. Thanks to Monika, though, she turned into something she didn't even understand. I even remember her telling me about it. She knew that something was happening to her. She just didn't know how to stop it. Looking back on those conversations I can't help feeling sorry for her; this never should've happened. No one deserved this. I know I have to make it right somehow.

I know Yuri will be difficult to crack, but I know that I at least have more time to help her than I do for Sayori. I can't tell for sure if Sayori had ever planned on committing suicide before Monika had manipulated her into going through with it, so she's my number one priority. At least I know for sure that Natsuki should be relatively okay, with her being so young I'd hate to see that there's something wrong with her too.

Another thing I need to worry about is this sudden sickness. It's gone now, but I don't know what caused it. It could've been stress on my body, or maybe I just caught something small for a few minutes, but that's not really how sickness works. It's something I'll have to ask Monika about, provided that she remembers all of this. Though I can't see why she wouldn't, she already pulled us back in time once and she remembered it... To think she thought she was doing the right thing.

Monika... There was so much to her that I didn't know about. For her to just snap like that... there must be something up with her. I don't even know how she did all of this, and no ordinary human being can just rewind time or manipulate the very fibers of someone's being. This isn't a movie or anything so how could this be possible? I just know that there's a lot I need to discuss with her today. And, to be truthful, I don't know if I'm dreading it or looking forward to it.

The water in the shower runs cold to signify that I've been in there far longer than I needed to be. I shut the water off and wrap a towel around my waist before heading back to my room to change into my uniform.

As I pull my blazer over my shoulders, I check the text message from earlier and, sure enough, it was from Ryosuke: _'Hey Akira, if you'd like I can show you around my club after school if you still haven't found a club. Think about it. I'll see you in homeroom!'_

I pull my school bag over my shoulder before texting back: _'Sorry for the late reply. I'll think about it. See you at school.'_

Before I can put my phone down, it buzzes angrily again. This time, I receive a message from Jun: _'Yo, Akira, check this trailer out. This anime's gonna be so sick!'_

Attached is a link to what appears to be some mecha anime PV, I smirk and roll my eyes. I had forgotten that Jun sends me this trailer. I never actually watched it when he first sent it to me because I was walking to school with Sayori.

...

With Sayori.

I check the time.

7:54.

I'm late!

I won't be late getting to school, but I should've already met Sayori outside by now. We should already be crossing the railroad tracks now. I shouldn't have stayed in the shower that long, I'm already screwing up the timeline in a way I don't want. I didn't even put on my contacts yet. I swear under my breath and reach into my bedside table drawer for my glasses. I'd have to settle for these today instead of wasting time putting on contacts.

As soon as I fit the black frames over my face, I make a break for the front door while making sure to shut off all of the lights and grabbing my house keys. I quickly swing the door open fully ready to start scanning the area like some sort of psychopath trying to look for Sayori. But it seems like I won't have to look more than a few inches in front of me to find her.

At the speed I was going I had almost run her over trying to fly out of the house like some low-budget marathon runner.

"Oh! Geez, Aki, you scared me!" Sayori's hand was still up like she was about to knock on my door.

I take a brief moment to really see her, to know that she's really real, to know that she's alive and that she's right in front of me. I could cry, but I know I shouldn't, there's no possible way for me to explain my way out of that one. At least I can talk my way out of this: I put my hands on her shoulders and pull her in for a hug.

She's shocked at first, as expected, "Ah- Aki! What're you doing?" she stammers that last bit before awkwardly patting me on the back.

I'm just happy that she's real, that she's warm, and that she's safe. I had missed her far more than I realized. But even then, that was a bad move, letting my emotions get the best of me and hugging her like that. I can't do this sort of thing even if I really want to. It's so out of character for me. Still, I find it hard to regret.

I pull away, and she's blushing, she looks out from the corners of her eyes past me, embarrassed.

I swallow the lump in my throat and scratch the back of my neck, "Ah... I'm sorry. I was just really happy to see you. You know, I uh- I missed you- I mean, I missed walking to school with you-"

Congratulations, smooth-talker, now you're in an endless cycle of stammering through words that are only going to make this situation more and more awkward. Luckily for me, Sayori saves the situation by completely ignoring what I just said and only picks up on the last part:

"You wanted to walk to school with me again?" her blue eyes light up, and she's practically jumping in excitement.

In this moment, things turn back to how they used to be for us. My heart feels light. Finally, I'm at ease. For now, anyway, I have plenty of work to do, but at least now things feel familiar.

"Yeah, of course, it's been a while," I respond trying to gain some shred of my 'cool' back.

She smiles sweetly, "That's why I was coming here, actually. I didn't see you leaving so I thought you might be home. I'm happy that you wanted to walk to school with me though, I missed that a lot," she admits.

The fact that we didn't walk to school anymore was my fault really, and it was something that I regretted only when it was too late. If I had known that Sayori wouldn't be able to be out of her house in time for me because of her depression, I would've waited for her or went and gotten her myself. I won't make those mistakes anymore.

I smile at her, "Me too. Let's get going before we're too late."

She nods in agreement, and we set off down the usual road to school.

About five minutes into our walk that consisted of exchanges about trivial topics she stops and grabs my arm. She has a horrified look on her face as she stares into my eyes, my heart starts beating like a drum while my mind tries to keep up with theories on what just went wrong.

But instead of something genuinely life-threatening, I get a load of this:

"Akira, there's something wrong with your face."

 _Really?_

"Are you kidding me?" I ask frowning at her.

I was so worried for a second only for her to suggest that there's something wrong with my face, which is, by the way, a little hurtful.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that! I meant you're wearing glasses today," she corrects herself quickly.

If I could roll my eyes any harder I would, "Sayori, you're just now noticing that?"

Of course, she ignores what I say and immediately gets up onto the tips of her toes and removes the glasses from my face before promptly examining them and continuing down the path to school as if I disappeared. She's disturbingly good at seamlessly switching to a different plane of existence. I merely shake my head and catch up with her as she turns my glasses around thoughtfully. She runs her slender fingers over the brand's emblem before speaking, "You haven't worn these in a really long time."

She was right. I hadn't worn those for at least five years. They were just backups at this point because I now strictly wore contacts. However, due to how they don't help my vision as much anymore, I've considered getting a new prescription.

"Nah, not for a while," I muse.

She hands them back over to me and watches as I put them back on before looking away with a fit of giggles.

"What is it?" I asked raising an eyebrow at her.

She folds her hands together in front of her, "You look like a dork with those on," she can hardly contain her laughter.

I love having her back and hearing her laugh again, "Oh?" I feign hurt, "At least I haven't worn this since the beginning of my existence," I flick the red bow she always wears in her hair.

She puts both of her hands on her head, "Aw, come on, this is cute, though," she pouts.

I playfully nudge her shoulder, "And my glasses aren't cute? Are you kidding? You know some people..." I pause to sweep my hair back except for one curly lock, "...call me Superman."

She puts a hand in front of her mouth trying and failing to stifle her laughter. I try to say something else that's witty, but I can't get through the first word without breaking into a fit of laughter which in turn encourages Sayori to start laughing as well.

"You really are a dork," she says when she regains her composure.

I scoff at the comment, "Says you. I'll have you know that-"

"But~~" she interjects, "You're my best dork."

"If that was supposed to be another way of saying best friend, then I'm taking a detour, and you can walk to school by yourself," I deadpan.

Her shoulders slump, "Meanie. It was clever!"

"That was almost as bad as some of my jokes," I counter.

"But I wasn't joking," she protests.

"Oh God, I know, I think that was the worst part. You thought that actually worked," it was quite fun for me to tease her like this.

She simply sighs and shakes her head.

A few moments later she's already moved onto the next topic, "So, you thought of joining any clubs finally?" she asks.

This time I could see her ulterior motive from a mile away, except she follows up with a question I hadn't expected and that she didn't ask last time, "What about the music club?"

I hadn't thought of making music in a long time, much less joining the school's club.

I swallow, "No, I'm not doing that. I was actually looking at-"

"Why not? You were so good at it, though! It would be fun, I'd love to hear you make music again!" she's really supportive about this, but that's just like her. I know she wants me to join the Literature Club even though she hasn't mentioned it, but it's nice that Sayori would support my decision seeing as how she's egging me on for this.

"That's past tense - was good, not anymore. That's not my thing anymore," I say, my voice has a sense of finality to it that even Sayori picks up on.

She purses her lips, "Okay, what about the Literature Club?"

"Your club?"

"Mhm, you should come today, it'll be fun!"

I bite my lip and dramatically look up to the crystal clear blue sky, "I don't know~ Sounds kind of dull."

As if.

Of all the things that were and weren't dull in my life, the Literature Club certainly didn't turn out to be dull.

"What! No! It's not dull at all," she protests grabbing my arm for attention, "We have lots of fun!"

"What? Reading books in a circle or something?" I look down into her eyes and it's as if I can see her trying to come up with something to say, I decide to go ahead and just speak before she can, "Hey, I'll think about it, okay?"

"Really? You promise?"

"I promise."

"Pinky swear?"

"Sayori."

She holds out her pinky. She hasn't changed.

I roll my eyes and lock pinkies with her, "Pinky swear. Satisfied?"

She smiles brightly, "Yes! We're going to have so much fun today. I can't wait!"

"Hey, now, we still have to survive regular school hours," I say, "And speaking of school hours, we're almost there."

In the distance, peeking above the lush, green trees lies our school. It was a very well-kept school that looked like it just came out of construction despite its age. I suppose that was because it was a school dedicated to the performing arts, so it lied in between the threshold of a prestigious and standard institute. I initially wanted to come to this high school for music, but now I'm just a regular student. Sayori, on the other hand, came here because her entrance exam scores were good enough to land her in this school.

"Hmmm," her eyes are closed and she's humming to herself happily. For a moment I wonder if she really is happy right now, or is just simply bluffing.

I nudge her on the shoulder as we begin to filter into the school crowd that consists of couples, friend groups, and loners alike all filing through the front gates, "Hey, Earth to Sayori," I raise my voice to be heard over the cacophony of morning conversations as we walk through the main courtyard, "I'll see you later, okay? I'll drop by your class after school and we'll go to your club."

She smiles, "Deal! I'll see you later, Aki!"

I stand off to the side and watch her run off to the other side of the school. I suddenly raise my eyebrow when I see her catch up with a familiar-looking pink-haired student carrying a tin foil covered tray. Natsuki? Does she have homeroom with Natsuki? That can't be, Natsuki is a first-year student and Sayori's a second-year student. I shrug it off. It doesn't matter too much anyway.

In the midst of the courtyard and surrounded by the crowd trying to pass me and get to their destinations I smile towards the ground. I know I have a good chance of making things right, I can feel it in my bones. I look up at the front of the main school building to see the giant, old-fashioned clock ticking away.

8:20.

I have a good ten minutes to get to class. I turn on my heel and head to homeroom.


	3. The Literature Club

Chapter 2

The Literature Club

* * *

Being transported back in time is very interesting. On one hand, since you've seen this all before, you feel that you'll know how to adequately handle things this time around. Which, by the way, is a sensation that's nothing short of empowering. But, on the other hand, while you're thinking of all the major events set to pan out in the future, you forget the little things. For example, one might not remember to take the bus to school instead of the train because their rail pass had expired.

Or maybe, in my case, I forgot all about this ridiculous 'debate' that has been unfolding in front of me during the last few minutes of the school-wide cleanup:

"You can't just say that every girl you come across is going to like cheesecake; it's statistically impossible and makes no sense," Ryosuke says while passing a wet wipe over his desk.

The only thing that makes no sense is this argument.

But it was at least interesting to see Ryosuke like this. He was never one to get too upset over anything. In fact, he's one of the most laid-back guys I know. But when Jun was involved, it was a whole different story. They fit the textbook definition of polar opposites. Here are a few examples: Ryosuke is tall and broad-shouldered, Jun is short and slender. Ryosuke's hair is short and neat, Jun's hair is long and unkempt. Ryosuke is considered Class 2-4's older brother, and Jun is regarded as the guy the girls don't want to be around. I'm sure you get the idea by now.

But even then, they were my friends and I enjoy their company, so I don't complain too much. Still, though, this conversation is ridiculous. I thought I could use some of this time to write down everything I know that's going to happen. If I could do that I'd feel more comfortable in having something tangible that I can see to make a plan of action around. This would be the best time to do it, too. Our homeroom teacher usually doesn't make a big deal out of the clean-up because our class never really gets too dirty compared to, say, the first-year classrooms. He wouldn't care if one or two students decide to just sit down and start texting their friends or something like that. With that being said, it would've been no issue for me to sit down and write. And it would've been so easy, too.

But of course, that just couldn't be the case.

Instead, I have the pleasure of listening to the Grand Council of Dumb and Dumber argue about why bringing a girl cheesecake on the first date is or is not a good idea.

 _Sometimes I feel that I have the most insightful friends._

Jun leans on his broom like it was a cane with an exasperated sigh, he runs his hand through his sandy brown hair and closes his eyes, "Ryosuke, you can't be serious right now," he takes a breath, "Look, put yourself in a girl's shoes-"

"Here we go," Ryosuke pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Hear me out, okay. So, say you're a girl... Would you not accept cheesecake on this first date? Like, are you really going to refuse that?"

I can't get over this conversation.

"Okay, but if you have a date at the movies and you bring a girl a cheesecake, a whole cheesecake, what do you think is going to happen?"

I take a wet wipe from the container and begin to clean my glasses. At this point, I can't help but smile at how seriously Ryosuke is starting to take this.

Meanwhile, Jun wears an expression that screams, _'Did you seriously just ask me that question?'_

"What do I think is going to happen? Sparks are gonna fly, that's what'll happen! It's a guarantee that any girl will fall for you if you do that. Trust me, I read it online."

"Oh, well then it's settled. You found it online, then it must be corr- Jun, are you-" I place my hand on Ryosuke's shoulder. It was about time I extinguished this dumpster fire of a conversation.

"Ryosuke, relax, you know you can't win an argument with him," I pause briefly, "And cheesecake is actually pretty good, so..."

Ryosuke's expression turns to one of disgust, "You too?"

Jun pumps his fist in the air claiming his victory, "Yes! You see, I told you I know what the ladies want!"

"What, a restraining order? I'm not on your side, Jun, I just like cheesecake," I say to Jun's immediate dismay.

Ryosuke tries and fails miserably at concealing his amusement before moving on to chastise me, "Akira, that was kinda mean."

Jun slings his schoolbag over his shoulder and wraps his arms around Ryosuke and I's shoulders before sneering like a trashy salesman, "Don't worry old pal. When I'm living the high life, Akira here is gonna wish he followed my teachings."

"The high life?" Ryosuke asks with a raised eyebrow.

"He's losing it," I respond.

Ryosuke and I pull ourselves from Jun's grasp just as soon as our classmates begin putting the cleaning supplies back into the classroom's utility closet.

"I guess it's about that time," Ryosuke exhales before placing a firm hand on my shoulder, "You ready to head out?"

"Eh? Where?"

The three of us follow along with the crowd of students exiting the classroom and dispersing themselves to their after-school activities. Jun pulls out his phone and launches some cheaply made, anime-style mobile game and tunes us out as Ryosuke glances at me curiously, "You don't remember? Kendo? I told you I could introduce you to everyone and show you what we do. I mean, we're already two months into school, I just want to make sure you're involved with something. It'll help you grow, you know?"

This was that big brother personality coming out of Ryosuke. I always appreciated that characteristic, and even though he could be overbearing sometimes, it was nice to know he always had my back. It also made me feel guilty that I shut him out for almost two years. Then again, I shut the whole world out. I bite my lip and try to think of a way to let him down easily because there was no way I was going to his Kendo Club. That was not the type of crowd I'd fit in to.

Not like I thought I would fit into the Literature Club either, but that's at least a little reasonable.

I scratch the back of my neck, the tell-tale sign that I was nervous, "Uh, well, I-" and here comes that disapproving big-brother stare.

I take a breath and gather my words back up to hopefully form a sentence this time around, "I... I'm actually checking out the Literature Club today."

Ryosuke stops by one of the corridor's many uniform windows, the golden sunlight illuminated an expression on his face that I couldn't quite discern, "Really?"

I turn to face him and lean against the window, I could already see some of the sports teams making their way towards the gym from here, "Yeah, I know it's not like me, but-"

He shakes his head, a warm smile crosses his face, "No, I think that's great. It suits you, actually."

I raise my eyebrows at him, I even lower my glasses to make sure I'm looking at the right person, "How do you figure that?"

He crosses his arms and glances out the window thoughtfully, the sun accentuates the brown undertones in his hazel eyes. I always thought he looked so wise when he had that look, it was like he was hiding some secret path to enlightenment from the rest of us, "Well, a few years ago when you were talking about becoming a musician you had said that music was a great way for you to express yourself. I think literature is kind of the same way, at least some forms of literature. Even if the club is just focused on reading and not creating I still think it'll help you grow, maybe you'll find a new way to express yourself."

He could read me like a book. When I joined the club initially, that was one of the things I had thought about. Aside from just trying to get Sayori off my back, I thought it would be an excellent way to vent, in a sense. To be able to express myself through literature was a golden opportunity for me. That's why, even though I was nervous about it, I thoroughly enjoyed writing poetry. With each stroke of the pen, it felt like pieces of the baggage I carried around was slowly being lifted off of me.

"Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking," I say.

Ryosuke grins and claps me on the shoulder, "Well, good for you, Akira. I hope it goes well," he genuinely looks proud of me when he says that, it's a good feeling.

"Yeah, thanks. You should probably go check up on our resident airhead, I think he's still walking down the hall."

Ryosuke shakes his head, "That boy just doesn't pay attention. I'll go catch up with him. Tell me about your club later, okay?"

I nod my head at him and walk the opposite direction towards Sayori's classroom. Our classes aren't that far apart, so I was initially shocked that she had let me avoid her for so long. Now I think she might've felt that she just deserved it. I begin to feel a pang in my heart again, but I promise myself that I won't ever do that to her again. I just hate that it took this whole thing for me to realize what she meant to me.

I round the corner and, just like this morning, almost run right over her. I quickly stop myself, but Sayori keeps walking. I reach out and anchor her shoulders to prevent her from walking into me, "In a rush?" I ask.

She takes a half moment to register what just transpired before holding her phone up to me, "I was just about to text you, see?"

On the screen is a half completed message asking if I was still going to her club. It was already filled with emojis too, the really cutesy blushing ones. Except those emojis are just facades for Sayori, she might've thought I was ditching her again because, looking up past what she had typed already, I could see the last few lines of messages we exchanged. Well, the ones she sent- I never answered her back. A constant string of 'Hey,', 'How are you feeling?', 'How was your day?', 'Do you want to do something this weekend?' Until they finally stopped a few months ago.

If I had only known how much I must've been hurting her, how worthless I must've made her feel. All because I couldn't even spare the time of day to respond to a text message. The guilt clenches my heart like a vice and won't let go. It's like the world is trying to shove everything I did wrong right in my face. At least I know it's what I deserve.

"I'm sorry, I was just talking with Ryosuke," I admit giving her a half smile.

She puts her hands behind her back and beams at me, "That's okay, I'm just glad you didn't decide to go home or anything."

Another knife to the heart.

"Don't worry, we pinky swore, remember?" I ask nudging her in the ribs as we begin to walk.

I forget that she's ticklish, so she reels to the side giggling, "Don't do that! You know I'm ticklish!"

"Well, that's what you get for doubting me," I say sticking my hands in my pockets.

She becomes silent as we climb the rich cherry wood stairs to the third-floor classrooms. I steal a quick glance at her, but she was already looking away.

"I'm sorry," she says as I reach the top of the stairs.

I turn around to face her inquisitively as she climbs up to the top step, "What do you mean?"

She takes a breath and avoids eye contact with me, "I shouldn't have doubted you, I'm sorry."

I frown, I didn't think she would take my joke seriously. I step towards her and tap her shoulder, "Hey," she continues to study the wooden tiles, "Sayori."

Her eyes finally meet mine, "Don't worry about it, I was just joking. And," I sigh, "You have plenty of reasons to doubt me. But don't worry about that either, I won't let you down, okay?"

"Okay," she replies softly.

She closes her eyes. When they re-open, she's smiling again. She grabs the cuff of my jacket and pulls me along down the hall with her, "Come on, Aki, I don't want you to be late on your first day."

My legs feel like lead as she pulls me along. I can't get past how easy it is for her to suppress her emotions. I'm just going to have to try harder for her, it's what she deserves.

But even now I know this is going to be hard. Because now... now I have to see Monika again. I don't know if I'm really ready for this. I knew it was coming, but I tried to put it out of my head as much as possible. I should've prepared myself better for this, but that might've been impossible. Before I can finish my train of thought, Sayori is already in the midst of opening the sliding door to Class 3-1; home of the Literature Club.

Sayori spins towards me before she opens the door, suddenly looking very serious. She was kind of like a mildly threatening drill sergeant. Her arms are stiff by her sides and her cheeks are slightly puffed up. Her bright, sky-blue eyes harbor intensity that they just aren't made for. Honestly, she looks kind of absurd and out of character... it's almost kind of cute. At this point, I can hardly hide my amusement as I begin to breathe out of my nose rapidly in a last-ditch effort to suppress my laughter.

"Aki, did you listen to a thing I said?"

Oh? She was talking? I can't even feel sorry that I wasn't listening, she just looked so out of place for a second, "Of course I did, Sayori."

She knows I wasn't.

As if trying to make me laugh, she puffs her cheeks up even more and pokes at my chest, "Be good," her voice is unusually stern.

 _'Be good?'_ I really can't take this, she's going to make me laugh for sure. It was funny, though. Not her ridiculous posture or attitude, but how she was able to make me forget how anxious I was to be here. She was really something special, she just didn't know it. Unfortunately.

"Of course," that was very hard to say without cracking.

Seemingly satisfied with my answer, she opens the door completely and walks in. I take the opportunity to collect myself for a brief moment before following her through the threshold.

"We're here!" she exclaims.

I immediately spot a pair of violet eyes peering over the cover of a very familiar book.

Yuri.

She studies me, trying to put together who she thinks I am before standing up and gently clearing her throat. She closes her eyes briefly before speaking. It was a habit she had that I noticed on the second day of being in this club, it was like she needed to mentally prepare herself before speaking and then strategize in her mind what she was going to say. Her words were usually pre-meditated and thoroughly thought through before they left her mouth, unlike a particular pink-haired girl who cut her off before she could get a single word out, "A boy?" Natsuki demands incredulously, "Really? Way to kill the mood."

Sayori's shoulders droop slightly, "C'mon Natsuki, he's not bad at all! I promise."

Natsuki, as ferocious as ever, opens her mouth to bite back before she's interrupted by _'her'_ , "Hey, Akira! I didn't expect to see you here," Monika gets up from the teacher's desk and joins the group. Her emerald eyes somehow manage to be cheerful and blank at the same time.

"You know him?" Natsuki asks jerking her thumb in my general direction.

Monika nods and smiles kindly in my direction, "We had Home Ec last year. I was his lab partner a few times," she turns to Natsuki and flashes her that signature calming look, "You have nothing to worry about, he's really nice."

Monika's words were like water to the flames that manifested itself in the form of Natsuki's irritation; all that was left was the smoke: "Sorry," Natsuki shuffles uncomfortably in her shoes before looking at me, though I know she doesn't know what else to say.

"Don't worry about it," I give her a genuine smile, "It's nice to meet you, Natsuki."

"Hmph," she crosses her arms and looks in the other direction.

It was always that same aggressive front with her. It was like she had to give the first impression that she was stronger than her appearance let on. I never really thought much more of it than that, but I did sometimes believe that she might've been bullied for her to act this way. At least I know from now on she's not going to outright hate me. It should be smooth sailing with her from now on. As smooth as it gets with her, anyway.

Monika holds her hand in front of her mouth and snickers. She really had her way of handling Natsuki just now, though. I know she never could've done that before, not that easy at least. I knew from the very first time I was here that Natsuki would be a little uncomfortable with a new member. This place was like a sanctuary for her. So for Monika to clear her of any immediate discomfort... well, it was pretty sweet of her. What am I saying? It could just be a front.

In the midst of the brief silence, Yuri takes the initiative to introduce herself next, "Welcome to the Literature Club, Akira. My name is Yuri," she says. Yuri's words are always laced with an air of elegance that I would never be able to match.

"It's great to meet you, all of you, really," I nod my head with a small smile.

Sayori clasps her hands together and smiles brightly, "Aww, my family."

"Alright, that's enough," Natsuki turns and walks back to the closet to presumably organize her manga collection.

Sayori giggles, and skips after Natsuki, "Natsuki~~ wait up, didn't you forget something?"

Natsuki turns around with a sour expression that doesn't seem to fit her soft features, "Eh, forget wh-" and it's as if she's on a whole different wavelength, "Set up the table."

Natsuki, with a devilish expression, darts to the back of the classroom. It was then that I knew what she was doing. She was going to get the cupcakes. Those things were, without a doubt, the holy grail of my first day in the Literature Club, no exceptions. That was why I noticed this room smelled like a bakery when I first walked in. I can't believe I forgot about the cupcakes.

Per Natsuki's instructions, we began to arrange some of the back window desks into a makeshift table. Four desks faced each other with one acting as the head of our 'table'. I slump down into my seat next to Yuri and adjacent to Monika and bask in the evening sunlight. I was again facing the dilemma of not knowing if I was comfortable here or not. I supposed it boiled down to whether or not I could really trust Monika which was admittedly becoming very tiring, even on the first day. It just couldn't continue like this, I would just have to make time at the end of this club meeting to speak with her.

I lean on my wrist and squint my eyes slightly. I gently rub my temples with my free hand as the waves of pain begin to wash over my skull once again. Again? I'm getting this headache again? Why? I blink my eyes a few times and take a breath hardly noticing that a tray wrapped in tin foil has been placed at the center of the table. I also didn't realize that Yuri had already gotten up and went to retrieve her tea set. It's just that this pain won't go away.

Natsuki unveils the tray with a theatrical 'ta-da!'. I can't even look at them, though. I can't look up. My eyes are sealed shut at this point as I feel that icy sensation wash over my body again. What is this? Why do I feel so weak even when I'm sitting down?

"Aki? What's the matter?" Sayori sits down in Yuri's empty seat.

I curse myself mentally for allowing myself to succumb to... whatever this was. I had no business faltering now. Not when this is all just beginning. I open my eyes and smile at my best friend in an attempt to ease her concern, "I'm fine. I just have a headache. I'm not really used to wearing these glasses."

I wasn't really lying. I did have a headache, and I really wasn't used to wearing my glasses, but that wasn't the half of it. I had no idea what my body was going through right now.

"Hey," Natsuki gets my attention, her voice is unusually soft, "If you're sick, you should go to the nurse."

I shake my head and remove my glasses, "Nah, I'm fine, really."

Natsuki puts her hands on her hips and sighs, she's as content as she'll ever be with that half-baked answer. Sayori, on the other hand, won't let go of this, "Let's go," she says standing up.

"Huh?"

"Let's go to the nurse, Aki," she re-states, her eyes beg me to go with her.

My head throbs in tandem with every response I try to think up.

"I've had those types of headaches before," Monika speaks up, "That tea that Yuri makes should help out a lot. And if you didn't eat today, you should do that too. Just putting something in your system will help, Yuri's tea and Natsuki's cupcakes should do the trick for now," Natsuki grins at the mention of her cupcakes.

Monika smiles and continues, "Just make sure to get some sleep when you get home. And I mean real sleep and real rest."

She's gone through this herself. It's obvious, no one is that particular about treating a headache. So this must be related to the manipulation of time. Or maybe... maybe she manipulated my mind at some point? No, that's not right. If that were the case, she would've had to have manipulated her own mind to figure out that that's what happens, and that wouldn't make any sense. Not like any of this makes sense as is, but that would just be ridiculous.

"Yeah, here. Try these cupcakes, they'll knock your socks off," Natsuki says proudly taking a paper plate and placing one of her cupcakes on them.

 _Knock my socks off?_ Who even says that anymore? Regardless, it's true that I haven't eaten at all today. Maybe that'll help me like Monika said, and Yuri should be back soon too so we'll be able to have tea.

Natsuki's cupcakes were undoubtedly just as cute as they were the first time and, as I remove the paper wrapping from the pastry, I hope they're just as delicious. This time around I don't really care about finding the right angle to bite into because I now realize how hungry I am. I rip into the side of the delicate thing and nearly recoil at the flavor. Natsuki really was a genius when it came to baking, the piece I ate was practically melting in my mouth. More importantly, though, my headache began to ease slightly. I really must've just been hungry, but that still doesn't explain the sickness.

"Holy shit, this is amazing," I mumble.

" _Aki!_ " Sayori chides.

Natsuki smirks, "I told you they would knock your socks off."

I take another bite of the cupcake. I'll give it to Natsuki this time: if it were theoretically possible for a cupcake to knock my socks off, then they would be, in fact, flying towards the other side of the classroom right about now.

"How do you feel now?" Monika asks.

I place the half-eaten cupcake down on the plate and put my glasses back on, for some reason I find it hard to talk to her, I can hardly look into her eyes to answer her, "A bit better."

"I thought it might've just been a hunger headache. I'm glad you're feeling better, though," she looks at me and smiles.

Those eyes are oddly soothing, rather than disturbing like I thought they'd be.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Sayori asks again.

"I'm fine, I'll be dancing in a minute," I joke.

Sayori seems satisfied enough with the answer to go back to her original seat next to Natsuki and across from Yuri who was just returning with the tea. She hurries over to the table, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take so long," she stammers while arranging the cups on the desks.

"Don't worry about it, we're all patient, Yuri," Monika assures taking her cup and stirring its contents with a small spoon.

Now that my headache has begun to subside and that I've assured my stomach that food will soon arrive, I start to tactically bite into the cupcake Natsuki made, "Natsuki," I say getting her attention as Sayori begins talking to Yuri, "Did you make these?"

"Of course I made them," she answers, putting her own cupcake down before a sour expression crosses her face, "But don't get the wrong idea. It's not like I made them for you or anything."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you were probably expecting another girl member. But for what it's worth," I take another well-decorated white cupcake from the tray, "I think you did a great job. These are better than what a lot of professional bakeries put out."

She's stunned into silence. I knew that would happen, she just wasn't expecting praise of this caliber coming from someone she just met. But it was the truth, and it was kind of fun catching her off guard. She crosses her arms and looks off to the side, she blows a pink strand of hair from her reddening face, "Thanks," she sighs in annoyance, "But I'm not that good."

"Whaaa~~" Sayori blurts, "But Natsuki. They're sho good though~!"

Naturally, Sayori was talking with her mouth full, and she had already managed to get icing on her face. Yuri, who was the silent observer through all of this, snickers silently to herself.

Natsuki crinkles her nose at the sight of Sayori's face, "Oh geez, you're such a kid sometimes," she grabs a small white napkin and smears the icing off of Sayori's face.

"So, Akira, what made you want to join this club?" Monika asks while sipping her tea.

 _'Well, you of all people should know,'_ I wanted to say.

Instead, I say, "I mean, I've always really enjoyed reading-"

" _Manga._ " Sayori cuts me off with a childish grin before returning to her cupcake.

Like before, it caught the attention of the club's manga enthusiast, Natsuki.

I roll my eyes, "It's not just manga, and you know it. I read a lot of sci-fi too. But yeah, I just thought this would be a good place for me. I felt like I could kind of grow here, as sappy as that sounds."

"That's great to hear. I'm glad you decided to push past your boundaries and join the club. And don't worry, we're not all about books here, we like to have fun, too," Monika assures me.

Monika was actually very good at keeping up the act of introducing me to the club for the first time. But then again, we've done this twice before. This is the third time we've gone through this, it's routine by now.

"You think that's why there are so few members? Because they think this place is boring?" I ask almost as if by muscle memory. I knew why people didn't join this club, she's told me before.

"I think it's something like that. Of course, I never expected this club to be a big hit being that this school is, at heart, devoted to the performing arts. There aren't many schools that have such a concentration on theater such as this one, so it's expected that people will flock to those clubs before a club devoted to literature. Aside from that, I think people are just afraid to get out of their comfort zones or don't want to apply themselves to something they may see as well... lame," Monika says stirring her tea once more, "That's why the upcoming festival is so important to us. It'll be a great chance for us to recruit new members and show them what this club is all about."

That was the answer I was expecting, it was what I had gotten last time after all, "Well, I'll be glad to help out. You know, getting new members and all of that," I didn't say that last time, so I'm not sure why I was saying it now.

Monika giggles, "Don't get too ahead of yourself, Akira. I want to make sure you're comfortable in this club first before you start trying to help."

I feel like that had more than one meaning.

"So Akira, you said you were into sci-fi? Are you into any other types of literature as well?" Yuri asks finally breaking her own silence.

"Well, any sort of fiction, I guess," I chuckle dryly realizing how awful of a response that was, "I mean, anything that has me not wanting to put the book down because I'm so enthralled in its story is good enough for me. I usually find science fiction does that a lot because there's always a focus on world building. Within that genre, there are endless opportunities for that sort of thing, so it's always interesting to see what authors can come up with."

Yuri purses her lips slightly, "I see. It seems that our interests in literature are somewhat aligned," she says, a small smile forms on her face as she brushes a few locks of violet hair behind her ear.

That was very true, the first time I was here, Yuri had given me several recommendations on books that I should read. In fact, while we were working on festival preparations, we spent a lot of time talking about the books we've read and what we would write if we were authors. I smile at my desk thankful for the chance to be able to do that again.

"Do you like horror?" I ask.

Yuri visibly perks up as if I had asked her favorite question, "Mhm," she nods her head, "Well, I prefer more of the psychological horror sub-genre than standard horror. I just find it much easier to become enthralled in something that hides beneath the surface of what's really there. The way an author can abuse your lack of imagination to throw you for a loop is amazing. For example, throughout the entire novel the author can deliberately tell you who the monster of the story is when, in the end, the monster turns out to be the one you were supposed to be rooting for the entire time."

"Oh, you're definitely right about that. I think that's why I like reading thrillers as well, because there's always a constant buildup followed by a twist, it's like a constant sense of satisfaction. But then in books like you're talking about the buildup is slow and deliberate, often unnoticed by the reader, so in the end the payoff is much more satisfying."

Yuri nods her head enthusiastically, "That's right, I just love how one sentence can send a chill down my spine."

Before I can get another word out, Natsuki seems to mumble something under her breath while stirring her tea.

"What was that, Natsuki?" Monika asks.

Natsuki stares at the crack in between the group of desks and continues to stir her tea, "...I don't like horror. It's just that it makes me...," she bites her lip and her eyes dart back and forth from Yuri and I before returning to the desk, "Never mind."

Yuri frowns slightly at this comment and goes back to sipping her tea, all energy from our conversation seemed to have vanished. Sayori, as expected, is too busy unwrapping another cupcake to notice the change in mood or acknowledge the discussion altogether. Monika's voice pierces through the now thick air, "Ah, right. I forgot. You usually like to write about cuter things, right?"

Natsuki jerks her body upright and glares at Monika, "Eh-No I- That- that's not," she can't seem to get a single word out without one colliding with the next.

"You write?" I asked leaning back in my chair.

"No!" she bites back defensively, "I mean, no. Why would I?"

Monika frowns slightly and crosses her arms, "But I found a piece of paper the other day that-"

"No you didn't," Natsuki counters, she grows redder by the second.

Monika furrows her brows before giggling softly, "Yes I did. It was a poem with your handwriting and-"

Natsuki holds her hands up, "Alright that's enough, you can stop now."

I stare at Natsuki's tomato-colored face trying to get her attention, "What are you smiling at?" she asks with a pointed expression.

"So you _do_ write, huh?" I ask with a sly smile.

She grits her teeth and gives me a long winded sigh before finally conceding, "Yeah, sometimes. So what? Why do you care?"

"Hey, relax, I think it's cool. You should share some of your poetry sometime," I suggest which was, just like last time, a colossal mistake.

"Huh?! Absolutely not!" she protests.

"Aww, Natsuki!" Sayori coos, "Your poems, your cupcakes, everything about what you do is just as cute as you are!"

Sayori wraps her arms around Natsuki and rocks her side to side in her chair.

"I'm not cute!" Natsuki protests from within Sayori's embrace.

I swear Sayori's drunk off of those sweets. Meanwhile, Natsuki, to my surprise, manages to turn redder than she already was before squirming out of Sayori's suction cup grip.

"I understand how Natsuki feels," Yuri muses, almost as if she was talking to herself more than anyone else in the room, "It's not easy sharing your writing with someone else, much less sharing something as personal as poetry. It takes something stronger than confidence to be able to comfortably share your poetry with someone else because it's not just your poetry that you're sharing. You're sharing your own feelings, vulnerabilities, and insecurities with people that you may never know."

Monika's eyes light up in thought, "That's right. You have writing experience, don't you, Yuri. Why don't you share some of your writing with Natsuki? It might help her feel more comfortable as a writer."

Yuri immediately begins to fumble with her fingers and glances down nervously at the desk, "Well, I- I never..." she groans and becomes silent.

"I guess it's the same for Yuri," I state not realizing that I was again creating the perfect segue for Monika to announce her bright idea.

Monika snaps her finger, "I have an idea!"

I just had to start that conversation again. Strangely enough, I didn't even realize I was doing that all over again. It was like I was on autopilot for a while. Well, now I'm stuck with writing these poems again. It's not like I didn't enjoy writing them, but it was just that I was embarrassed to share them with other people. So it seems that Yuri, Natsuki, and I are all in the same boat when it comes to Monika's idea.

"We should all go home and write a poem tonight and bring them to school tomorrow to share. Then we'll all be even!"

Natsuki and Yuri, like myself, withdraw into silence while Sayori is practically jumping with joy in parallel with Monika's idea, "Yeah! We should do it!"

"And you know, now that we have a new member," she says looking at me, "I think it'll help us all be a lot more comfortable with each other."

Both Natsuki and Yuri still remain silent which means that, even though I was just used as leverage in Monika's idea, I have to accept this plan first, "Yeah," I mumble before speaking a little louder, "Yeah, no, that's a good idea. I'll do it."

"It's settled then," Monika says standing up, "Okay, everyone! We'll call it a day here, I still need to get Akira registered in the office. Don't forget tonight's assignment and have a great day!"

Natsuki frowns, collects her belongings and the cupcake tray and exits the classroom as Yuri, with the help of Sayori, begins to store the tea set. So now it was just Monika and I standing by the window of the classroom, and I am, as I thought I would be, at a loss for words.

"You don't mind helping me with your registration right?" she asks motioning for me to follow her to the teacher's desk.

She takes a seat in the leather office chair while I lean against the polished, oak wood desk, "Nah, but..," I decided to test her, though I knew it was pointless, "Didn't you do this by yourself the last two times?"

Monika looks up from the screen of the laptop and smiles half-heartedly at me, "Yes, but I know we need to talk," the vibrant radiance from her emerald eyes seemed to have left long ago. It was like the whole strong club president facade had begun to fade once more, " _Even though I've been dreading it all day,_ " she whispers to the screen, avoiding my eyes, "But I know I owe you that, and so much more."

I try to swallow the mass in my throat, but I just can't. It's as if every part of me is trying to stop me from answering her. I'm suddenly given a mini panic attack as Sayori bounces up next to me, "Want to walk back home, Aki?" she asks innocently, unaware of the intensity of my situation.

I look to Monika who doesn't pull her attention away from the computer screen. In fact, I don't think she even realizes that Sayori and Yuri were still here. I turn my attention back to my childhood friend, "Nah, I've gotta stay behind and make sure this whole registration process works out. The computers have been wonky today," of course it wasn't that complicated, but I needed an excuse to be alone with Monika.

Sayori slides her school bag down her arm and into her hand, "That's fine, I can wait if you want."

It was kind of hard for me to brush her off this time, even though it used to be second nature for me, "Well, I mean, it's going to be a while, and I don't want you to be bored. You should just head back home."

This time Sayori doesn't resist, she just frowns and mumbles an 'okay' before slinging her bag over her shoulder and walking to the door behind Yuri who was leaving as well. I cross my arms and grimace before pushing myself off of the desk and catching up with Sayori in the doorway, "Wait up," I grab her arm lightly, "I'll come bug you later okay? Maybe say hi to Aoi too, it's been a long time since I've seen her... even though she probably still hates me."

Sayori, reinvigorated with life, giggles, "She's too old to scratch you now, she just sits around on my bed all day. She's a lazy girl."

The 'she who's gotten older' is Sayori's cat, Aoi. She was a pure, white feline with black paws and crystal clear blue eyes to match, hence her name.

"Lazy huh?" I question leaning against the door frame, "Kind of reminds me of someone I know," I playfully tap Sayori's forehead.

"I'm not lazy!" she objects.

"Yeah, yeah, sure thing. Just be careful on your way home, I'll call you when I get out of here, okay?"

"Okay!"

I watch as Sayori makes her way to the staircase all the while humming an old, familiar tune. I step back into the classroom and slide the door shut. Now it was time for me to get to work.

It was time for me to talk to Monika.

* * *

 **AN: So we've finally gotten to meet all of the girls, I hope you enjoyed the introduction to our new club mates! I did my best to capture their personalities as accurately as possible, so I hope it feels authentic for you all. The next chapter is going to be one of the major ones and I'm looking forward to showing it to all of you. It should only be about a week until it's released.**

 **I also really appreciate the support I've gotten for the beginning of this story, and I hope you all will continue to enjoy what I have in store. I'm doing my best to make this as interesting as possible! Until next time, have a great week!**


	4. To Know You

Chapter 3

To Know You

* * *

In the courtyard, just behind the fountain and in the center of the miniature garden, lies a statue of Kenji Fujikawa, the academy's founder who died sixty years ago. The bronze arms of the figure extend outwards towards the east where the sun rises. It was built to not only commemorate Fujikawa's achievements with the school, but to also reference the rising sun as a beacon of hope, a chance for new beginnings, and a promissory note that there will always be a brighter tomorrow.

A new beginning, hope.

If I'm being honest, I'm lacking a bit of hope right now. I had spent a lot of my day both dreading and anticipating this moment, continually going over what I would say when this moment finally arrived, or what I would do, or how I would feel, even. And yet, when the moment is finally here, when the moment is now, I'm speechless.

I sit in front of Monika, the club president, my friend, my tormentor. I don't know what to refer to her as anymore; there's just so much conflict within my mind that my whole ideology on her has become twisted into something incomprehensible. On one hand, I want to understand her; I want her to tell me what happened, tell me why she needed to do this and how she did it. But, on the other hand, I want to hate her, I want to throw her out of my life forever no matter how she feels about what she did or however she justifies it.

Monika could express a thousand words just by looking at me a certain way, yet her meaning wasn't always direct. Instead, it was like poetry, it came from within and was layered with so many meanings that it made my head hurt. Earlier today, for example, when we were all talking with each other over tea and cupcakes, she had seemed happy to be with her friends, but her eyes told me a different story. Those green pools had looked so empty and full of pain. Did she regret her actions, or did she wish she had kept me in the void with her?

Right now, I'm not sure if I want to know. It's just so much easier for me to believe that Monika was no good. I almost don't want to see it from her perspective. I have so much anger that I don't think I could stand her justifying her actions in front of me after everything I've seen unfold because of her. But, at the very least, I still want to know how she did it. That's no human feat to simply modify someone's state of being and then going on to affect the hands of time. There's so much I need to talk to her about, but I don't know how I can get through it. It's frustrating.

"Hey, Akira," Monika breaks my concentration, "Since when did you start wearing glasses?"

She rests the tip of her pen against her bottom lip waiting for me to answer her. I lean forward against the teacher's desk and hang my head with a sigh, "I don't know. Since I was in elementary school," I frown at the stack of papers on the desk before looking up at Monika, "Does that even matter at all?"

My tone was no less than harsh. Monika's shoulders slump slightly as she closes the teacher's laptop and avoids eye contact with me. She glances out the window and looks into the distance before whispering something that comes off sounding like _'I guess not.'_

A gentle breeze flows through one of the classroom's open windows, it ruffles my hair and sends a chilled wave throughout my body. It's funny how tranquil the world around you can appear to be when there's a storm raging from within.

"What's going to happen now?" I ask suddenly, bringing Monika's attention back to me.

"What do you mean?"

"Are the same things going to happen again? Will Sayori," I pause to compose myself, "Or will Yuri... will they still..."

"I..." she takes a breath to steady her breathing, "I don't know. I couldn't say for sure. I have no control over what happens from now on."

I furrow my brows unable to believe what I'm hearing, "What? Are you serious? What do you mean you don't have control. You had plenty of control when you took over everyone's lives," my voice grows louder with every word, and I know that I'm beginning to lose my patience.

Monika's lip quivers before she bites back, "I gave it up, okay? I don't want it anymore," she puts her head in her hands, "I thought it was a blessing. I thought my prayers were finally being answered, but it was just another curse."

I turn around and pinch the bridge of my nose, "Fine. Fine. Whatever, you 'don't have it'. Whatever the hell 'it' is," I was growing more and more aggravated by the second, I felt like I was starting to waste precious time if she wouldn't help me, "Okay. Let's just start with Sayori. I know you amplified her depression, but is there anything else?"

Monika can't endure looking at me any longer. She holds her hand over her mouth and closes her eyes tightly. I sigh impatiently, "What, Monika? What did you do?" I ask not realizing that I would hate the answer I got.

"I told her that you'd be better off," she says still not meeting my eyes, "I told her you'd be better off without her. I told her that it was obvious, after you had avoided her for so long I told her that she should've gotten the hint," her nose and cheeks become red and her lips quiver, "After she had confided in me about how insecure she was about trying to reconnect with you, I told her that you didn't need her."

I'm shaken to my core. A hideous sensation latches at my heart, and I find that my fists are clenched so tightly that my knuckles have turned bone white. I hadn't even noticed how hard I had been bitting the insides of my cheeks this whole time until I tasted the blood. I breathe hard through my nose and shake my head, "No. No, you didn't. You wouldn't."

Monika doesn't reply, she spins to the side on the swivel chair and buries her face in her hands, sniffling. I'm so stunned that I could laugh.

"So you knew," I breathe shakily, my efforts of restraining my anger were no longer working, "You knew that she would do it too. You knew she'd..." I shake my head and back away from the teacher's desk and tug on my hair, " _Who are you?_ I don't even know you anymore."

Monika's eyes were watering as she turned to me and pleaded with her desperate, emerald eyes, "Please don't say that."

"And Yuri," I challenge, "What about her? She killed her self right in front of me. I couldn't even stop the bleeding, I couldn't get help quickly enough.. I-."

Monika stands up suddenly and tries to speak, but I cut her off, "And Natsuki," the tears finally fall, "Would you have killed her too? Would you have made me watch her die too? What else were you going to do to us?"

Monika maneuvers around the desk and grabs hold of my collar, her whole body is shaking as tears cascade down her cheeks. She looks me in the eye briefly, and I can see the pain and remorse. It throws the hatred I don't want to let go aside as she buries her head in my chest while still holding on to my collar, "I just wanted you to see me."

And those words break me because I understand exactly what she meant... I had felt like that with my own father. It was a bitter, painful feeling chasing after someone knowing that you'll never reach them no matter what and they'll never see you.

Monika begins to speak through her tears, "I had this- this power and I thought I could finally get what I wanted. I thought the world was finally giving me my chance to be happy, to be alive, but I lost myself and now I'm-," it's hard for her to go on through the tears, and it's becoming harder for me to listen to, "And now I'm losing you too. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for all of this to happen I just-," she lets go of me and wipes her tears away only for fresh ones to take the place of the old, "I'm so sorry. I-"

I wrap my arms around her back and pull her closer to me, with one hand I press her head against my chest and with the other I stroke her shaking back. I feel like I finally understand her because, in a way, she was like me. I would've done anything, abused anything the universe would've given me, to have more time with my father. I don't know what kind of pain I would've caused with the power she had, but I remember the pain I felt, and I can almost imagine her own. As I hold on to her, I can feel her knees begin to buckle and we both sink down to the floor on our knees.

I let go of her head and use the cuff of my jacket to wipe away my tears, "Hey," I gently stroke her back.

Monika hesitantly raises her head from my chest and locks eyes with me, the small amount of makeup she wears leaves thin, black trails down her rosy face. I never expected myself to be in this position, and I certainly didn't expect that I'd feel some sort of connection to her. But I think I can understand her like no one else can, "You didn't lose me. I'm still right here. I just-" I close my eyes and press my lips together in an attempt to find the words to express how I felt, but there weren't any, there was just this, "I get it, okay? Well, no, I don't. But I want to. I'm here to talk to you. After all, this is our only chance to set things right, isn't it?"

Monika moves her hands from my collar to my shoulders and squeezes them tightly before nodding. I bite my lip, "So we've gotta move past this. Together. 'Cause you and me, we're a team now, we're in this together," I assure her.

Monika's expression betrays her confusion as she struggles to find her words, "But... you don't... I thought... why don't you hate me?"

Throughout the day I've been battling myself trying to figure out whether or not I really did hate her. But all along, subconsciously at least, I knew I really didn't. I just couldn't. Not because I'm okay with what she did, but because it wasn't her. It wasn't who she really is. That person she became is who I hated, but I know that's not who I'm looking at right now.

"Because you're not really like that. I know you're not. I tried to convince myself that I hated you because it just felt better to be angry about what happened, but that's not fair. So I just- I just want to help my friends," I pause and pray that I'm doing the right thing, "That includes you."

Monika sits back on her heels and clasps her hands in her lap, she stares down at the wooden tiles in front of her knees. She looks as if she wants to cry again. I purse my lips and place my hands on my lap. I've seen many different sides of Monika in the past few days, but this is the one that felt the most genuine. It was almost comforting to me, knowing that this side of her exists, knowing that she's not some cold monster. It gives me hope.

I clear my throat and begin to speak again, "Monika, I- I can't do this alone," I stand up and dust my trousers off, "You're the only one who can help me. I wish it were easier, but I'm no superhero, so I really need your help."

I extend my hand out to her but her gaze is set on the floor. She suddenly wipes her eyes and takes hold of my hand. Once she's on her feet, she smiles at me with tears still in her eyes, "That's not true, you are a hero. You're _my_ hero."

That was the single most embarrassing thing she could've said to me, "Monika..."

"It's true, whether you believe it or not. You saved my life, and you still haven't given up on me. That means more to me than anything, so of course I'll help you. Sayori, Yuri, Natsuki," she closes her eyes thoughtfully, "They're my friends too, after all."

"I saved your life?" I ask softly.

Despite the fact that I was practically soaring over the moon with how well this went, I was still utterly stunned that Monika said I saved her life. Saved her from what? How?

She shrugs the question off with a wave of the hand, "We can talk about that later, okay?" she tries to giggle to lighten the mood, "I think I cried enough today. Besides, we have more important things to talk about anyway, don't we?"

As much as I wanted to know what she was talking about I knew it would be rude of me to press her further. When she's ready to talk about it, she will. In the meantime though, "Yeah... uh, yeah, you're right."

Monika lets out a tense breath, relaxes her shoulders, and smiles, "Great, let's begin."

* * *

I rest my chin on one hand while absentmindedly stirring my steaming cup of coffee, "So, she had actually told you she had depression?" I ask surprised.

Shortly after collecting ourselves, cleaning up and submitting my club admission form into the school's system, Monika and I found ourselves at a family-owned cafe close to the school. We had decided it would be best to discuss our course of action away from the club room so we could get some fresh air and enjoy the last bit of daylight outside.

Monika taps the last bits of sugar out of the tiny sugar packet into her coffee, "Well, not necessarily. She never directly told me, but I had gotten the gist of what she was going through after all of our talks."

I leave my spoon in the cup and fold my arms atop the marble-topped table. I purse my lips and blow air out of the corner of my mouth, "So, how did you manage to get her to talk about it?"

"Well, like I said," Monika adjusts the white bow in her hair, "we never talked about it directly. However, being that we're the ones who founded the club, we became closer over time. It was around the time you were out of the picture."

I bite the inside of my lip, "I see."

Monika continues, "She always talked about you. She told me how sweet you were, how considerate you were, how you always looked after her... how much she missed you," Monika trails off before clearing her throat and continuing, "I guess with you being gone, it just took a toll on her. And soon enough, that happy mask she always wore just started cracking. She eventually started saying that she probably just didn't deserve to be around you, or that you were just better off without her and that she only brought you down. That all disappeared when Yuri and Natsuki joined, but I could still see it. So, while she never directly told me she had depression, I could tell that that's what it was."

Monika frowns and places her cup on the table gently and pinches the bridge of her nose, "And those things she said about herself is exactly what I used against her when I was trying to drive her away from you."

I sigh and place my hands in my lap.

There's a clear, stark contrast between the solemn mood at our table and the cheerful, energetic mood at every other table at this cafe. I take a sip of my coffee, "That doesn't matter now, alright? What matters now is that we do what we can to help her. It's just the how that's the issue."

Monika nods her head, "Right, well... honestly, I don't think there's anything we can do."

I raise my eyebrows at her as she raises her hands to silence me, "I'm saying that we're not professionals. We can't treat depression. The only thing we can do is to support her and help her to understand that we value her."

I frown and scratch my nose, "I don't know how willing she'd be to see a professional, though."

"Well, even though it's the best for her, it would be better not to rush her into it. We're just going to have to take our time with her."

As I process Monika's words, my mind suddenly reverts back to the memory of Sayori on the day of the festival. Lifeless. Unmoving. My stomach knots up, "You don't think she going to try to..." I can't finish the sentence.

Monika swallows and looks down into her coffee cup, "It's hard to say, but... but I don't think she will. It was my fault she did in the first place. At worst, the most that'll happen to her is that she's just going to have a bad weekend."

"I hope that's all," I push my coffee cup away from me and glance at the birds perched on the power lines.

"I feel a bit better though," I admit looking at Monika and smiling for the first time since we've gotten here, "I'm glad you're here to help me. I feel like we've got a good foothold on this whole situation. Well, we still need to worry about Yuri, but we can hold off on that for another day if you'd like," I add.

Monika's cheeks flush slightly, "I'm happy you feel that way," she then frowns, "Wait, aren't you forgetting about Natsuki?"

"Hm?" I furrow my brows, "What about Natsuki?"

"Ah, well..." Monika trails off once again leaving me confused. Monika looks around and leans over the table slightly and says quietly, "I think she has problems at home."

I crinkle my nose, "Why are you whispering?" Monika glares at me. I roll my eyes and lower my own voice, "Okay, okay. What do you mean by 'problems'?"

I had a good idea what she meant, but I didn't want to believe in my gut feeling. As far as I had known, Natsuki was the only one in the Literature Club who had a decent life, but there were already subtle signs that I subconsciously picked up on. I just didn't want to face the truth. I just wanted her to be the one we didn't have to worry about, but unfortunately: "I think she's being abused at home," Monika says.

"What? I mean, are you sure?"

 _Well, of course, she's sure, brainiac._ I run a hand through my straight, dark locks and close my eyes as another gust of summer wind blows through the outside of the cafe.

"Well, I mean, have you seen her? I'm not trying to be mean, but she looks... underdeveloped for her age. And she's always so defensive about everything like she's used to being challenged by other people constantly. It's not just that, though. I saw her bruises one day,"Monika's voice gets even quieter when she says this.

Bruises?

My heart sinks.

Monika runs her finger along the rim of the white, porcelain coffee cup and brushes a strand of her chestnut brown hair behind her ear, "I... she doesn't know that I saw. She was the first in the club that day, and she was... I guess she was cleaning a cut on her thigh, but the whole area was bruised too. I couldn't bring myself to walk in on her like that, but thinking back on it... maybe I should've. I might've been able to help her."

Monika's remorse lays atop the dark atmosphere at our table. At the moment I was feeling angry, sick with the idea that someone could do such horrible things to their own child. It didn't make any sort of sense to me. I could only begin to imagine how Natsuki must feel every day. I finally understand what she meant when she said that the Literature Club was like a sanctuary for her: because there was no one there that could hurt her, and because she could enjoy what she loved there. An idea sparks in my mind suddenly, an idea that allows me to discard the sadness that came with hearing about Natsuki's situation.

"Don't worry about that, Monika. You're helping now, and I've got a plan," I say as a smile creeps upon my face. I must've looked like a psychopath with glasses.

Monika's emerald eyes gaze upon me attentively, waiting for me to tell her of my plan, "What is it?" she rests her chin on her hand.

"My sister. She can help us. She's a detective. I mean, this case wouldn't necessarily be in her jurisdiction, but I know she has connections and can get us in contact with people who can help us help Natsuki," I say.

Monika's eyes light up, "Really? How soon can you talk to her about this?"

"You see, that's the thing, I can talk to her about this at any time, but she lives in Tokyo," I explain and finally finish my coffee.

Monika crosses her arms on the table, "Then how is she going to be able to help us?"

"Well, summer break starts in a few weeks, right? When summer break starts, I usually go to Tokyo to do some part-time work at the station, so all I'd have to do is find a way to get Natsuki to come with me so we can talk to my sister. All Natsuki would have to do is tell her about what happens at her home, show her the bruises, and then we can get the ball rolling on getting her out of that house. There's just one problem-"

"Two problems, actually," Monika interjects, "First, you're going to have to get Natsuki to admit to her abuse. Second, and probably even harder than the first, you're going to have to figure out a way to get her to go with you to Tokyo with the consent of her father."

I nod my head and exhale, "Yeah, I know. But we've got a bit of time, and we've got festival prep coming up this weekend. Last time I had decided to work with Yuri, maybe now it would be better to work with Natsuki. I might be able to learn something then."

Monika smiles softly, "And while you're doing your thing, I'll be with Sayori during the weekend helping her with the festival prep and giving her someone to talk to."

I raise my brow, "I thought you two did everything online last time?"

"I told you I'd help you, didn't I? And it's like I said: Sayori is my friend too. If she needs my help I'm going to give it to her," Monika states with resolve, she has that same old fire in her eyes like she used to before everything spiraled out of control.

I chuckle, "Alright, we've got a good plan for Natsuki and Sayori. That just leaves us with Yuri, what should we do about her?"

Monika places her index finger on her lip in thought. She frowns and drops her hand on the tabletop, "I'm not too sure. I can't say I know her too well. I've tried to make an effort to get to know her but she's very introverted, so I never got much out of her. As for her problems, you obviously know they're not as extreme as you've seen - even when you were with her for festival prep. The reality of her issues are unclear to me as I'm sure they are to you."

"Yeah, I agree. She's going to be tough, but it won't be impossible. I uh," I pause and adjust my collar, "I think I can kind of relate to her a little bit. I feel like I can get through to her."

Monika looks puzzled, "What do you mean?"

I look at her and then down at the table and shake my head dismissively with a smile, "It's nothing, don't worry about it."

The green-eyed club president looks clearly unsatisfied by my response, "Is something going on? You know you can talk to me, right?"

Of course I know that, I just don't want to talk right now. I don't want to dig up the past today. I have so much more to keep me busy, to keep me feeling normal. In fact, I finally feel like I'm moving on. So I don't want these memories to keep haunting me. Even though I know I'll have to face them again soon, I can at least decide that it won't be today.

I look up into Monika's eyes, they're laced with concern, "I know, I appreciate it, but not today, okay? I'll tell you about it some other time."

I can tell that she wants to pry further, but she restrains herself with a simple nod and a quiet, "Okay."

I lean back in the wooden chair and stretch. The outside lights of the cafe click on with an electrical whir as the last rays of daylight disappear behind the tree line. I lean forward, "So, I do have one question for you," I state.

Did I ever, it was a question that has been burning on the tip of my tongue all day.

Monika rests her chin in her hand as she narrows her eyes at me with a sly smile, "Let me guess: you want to know how I did all of this, right?"

"How'd you know I was going to ask you that?"

Monika giggles, "Well what else were you going to ask me? How I get my hair to look this good?"

I shrug, "Well, your hair does look really silky, but that wasn't as high up on my list of questions as your guess."

"Cute. But, it's a secret."

"A secret? Are you serious? Monika, you-"

She begins to laugh and holds her hands up in front of her, "I'm just joking. You should've seen the look on your face."

I scoff and playfully knock her hands back, "You're a real headache machine, you know? I really think Natsuki is going to have some competition soon."

Monika tilts her head to the side and fake gasps, "Akira! How can you say such cruel things?" she then sneers at me, "Well, at least I'm efficient."

"Oh god, I know," I groan in exaggerated annoyance.

We both sit in silence for a few moments before we're overcome with fits of laughter. At the moment, it feels like the weight of the world is lifted off of my shoulders, like every piece of the puzzle was finally starting to fall into place in my life. I begin to feel incredibly foolish for rushing at her blindly with rage earlier today, no matter how justified it may have been. At least now I can start to see the real Monika - the one I knew always existed from the start. Of course, it won't be that easy to just move on from what happened, but this is as good a start as any. I briefly think back to the meaning of Fujikawa's statue because I know now that I have hope.

Monika collects herself as her smile fades from her face, "But really, Akira, it's not that I can't tell you. It's just that I want to wait and tell you later. It kind of ties into how you saved my life and if I told you how all of this was possible without any context right now, well, you'd never believe me."

"Monika, please. We both went back in time multiple times already, at this point I have my tin foil hat on and am ready to listen to anything you have to say," I joke to try and lighten her serious expression.

Monika gives me a small smile, "You're such a dork. But you understand, don't you? I'm not trying to keep you in the dark intentionally... it's just important for me to tell you all at once."

"Why is everyone calling me a dork today? It must be these glasses," I mumble before looking up at Monika, "I understand what you mean, though. You'll tell me whenever you're ready."

She smiles at me, "Thank you for understanding, you're very considerate."

I wave my hand at her, "Yeah, yeah, keep trying to butter me up so I'll pick up the tab."

"What? No, I'm not, I can pay for our-"

"Nah, I'm just kidding, I've got it," I say raising my hand up to silence her.

Monika sighs and shakes her head, "What am I going to do with you, Akira?"

I shrug and stand up to stretch, "I don't know, but we better get going, we've been here for long enough. And besides, I have a date with Sayori's demon cat."

Monika stands up and smooths her skirt out, "Aoi? She's so sweet, what are you calling her a demon for?"

I remove my glasses and tap my finger under my right eye where a small, pale scar lies, "That cat is as sweet as a pack of salt."

Monika gasps, "She scratched you?"

I put my glasses back on and sling my backpack over my shoulder as Monika and I begin walking towards the door to the cafe, "It's not the first time. That's just the only one that left a mark. And before you ask, yes, she bites, too."

Monika looks at me, looks away, and then looks back at me again before she starts laughing. I frown, "What?"

Monika shrugs, "I don't know, I guess I just always thought you'd be kind of a cat person."

I must've looked visibly puzzled because she began to giggle again, "What type of weird assumption is that? You're so..." I roll my eyes and stop in front of the door, "Alright, I'm gonna go get these coffees paid for, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Monika grabs my arm, "Wait," she mumbles before digging through her schoolbag.

After a few moments, she pulls her cell phone from her bag, "What's your number? Oh, don't look at me like that, it's so we can stay in touch."

I give her my number, and after reading it back to me, she begins typing, "Okay, check your phone. I sent you a text."

I pull my phone out of my pocket as soon as it begins buzzing. Sure enough, I had one new message from an unknown number, I swipe across the touchscreen to unlock the phone and read the message. It was just one word with an emoji attached to it:

 _'dork ^.^'_

"Got it?" she asks with a cheeky grin.

"You're a child," I mutter and add her as a contact.

She grins, "Good, I'll see you tomorrow," she turns to leave but then stops to look at me, "And get some rest, that's the only way you won't feel so sick. And eat a proper meal in the morning, too," she then smiles and waves as she walks away.

I return her wave before turning around and walking into the cafe to pay our bill.

* * *

 **AN: Hello all! This was a pretty fun chapter to write, and even though it took me a few tries to get everything right, I think it panned out well in the end. My main goal in this chapter was to show a different side of Monika that isn't covered much in-game and how it affects Monika herself and Akira so I hope I hit all the right notes here.**

 **Next chapter is shaping up to be a pretty long one so it'll probably take me another week to finish writing (I'm almost done) and polishing it. I'm also curious how you all feel about long chapters. Do you like them or should I cut them down a bit? For reference, the next chapter is going to be around 8k words while the longest chapter written so far (Chapter 2 - The Literature Club) is sitting at 7.2k words.**

 **Speaking of the next chapters, I'm really excited to write more of these because now we're past the introduction and can really get into the meat of the story. The festival chapters (looking to be a three part event) will be particularly fun to write, but I do have more things planned for after the festival (the summer Tokyo trip with Natsuki, for example). I'm pretty happy with this story so far and I can't wait to keep taking you all through this adventure. Thank you so much for the support on this story and I'll see you all next week!**


	5. Heartbeat

4 - Heartbeat

* * *

I click my pen closed and tap it on my lip in thought. I glance down at the old, crumpled piece of sheet music that I was using to write down some of the things that I needed to get done; at this point, it was all the paper was good for. I look down at my schoolbag and see that there are still some old pieces of sheet music beneath the school's armada of textbooks. I'd have to clean that out when I get home.

I sigh, slouch in my desk, and stretch my arms up above my head. It was pretty quiet in the Literature Club today without Monika being here to guide us. Of course I knew that she would be back momentarily from practicing piano, but none of the other girls did. So there they sat in the back corner of the classroom speculating where she could be. I twirl the pen in my hand and begin listening to their conversation.

"-maybe she has a boyfriend. That might be why she's so late today," Sayori, who was sitting on top of a desk, hypothesized while nibbling on a protein bar.

Yuri runs her finger along the leather spine of her book and purses her lips, "Well, I can't say I would be too surprised if she did. She's more desirable than the rest of us combined."

Sayori nods in agreement while Natsuki scoffs, "Speak for yourselves," she folds her arms together and frowns, "And who cares if she has a boyfriend anyway? This just isn't like her at all."

I turn around in my desk to look at the pink-haired girl, "Natsuki?" as soon as I catch her eyes I smirk, "Are you worried about her?"

If it were humanly possible I imagine that Natsuki would be blowing steam out of her ears right now, "Of course I'm not," she turns her cheek to me as I stuff my things in my schoolbag and walk to the back of the classroom to join in on the girls' conversation.

"You know," I say crossing my arms and leaning against the desk Sayori was sitting on, "It's okay to be honest. No one's going to judge you for worrying about-"

And there came the pain.

Natsuki, with the man-crushing power of an elephant, steps on my foot. If this were one of her manga chapters there would be a visible sound effect coming from my foot, and the next panel would likely be a full shot of the school building with my text box consisting of me screaming in pain.

Luckily enough, I didn't scream in pain, so at least most of my dignity was intact, "Oh my God, Natsuki," I'm set off balance by her inhumane strength and my schoolbag slips off of my shoulder and collides with the ground, its contents scatter in all directions, "What, are you some sort of Olympic bodybuilder?"

The worst part is that she went for the toes, she didn't even hit the whole of my foot. No, that little demon went for the toes. I get down on one knee and begin to massage my injured foot.

"I told you I'm not worried," she looks down at me and then crosses her arms again and huffs, "Idiot."

"Natsuki," Yuri chides, "That was a little too far. You didn't have to-"

I tune them out and begin to gather the contents of my schoolbag as my foot continues to throb. Before I finish cleaning up my mess, I notice that the paper I had written on was missing, "Aki!" Sayori cheerily exclaims and pushes herself off the desk so she can squat down next to me with a large smile, "I thought you said you weren't writing music anymore?" To my immediate dissatisfaction, I notice that she's holding the sheet music I had written on.

"I'm not," I reply hastily and snatch the paper from her hands before I stand up.

Sayori bounces up with her hands behind her back and leans so close to me that I can smell the strawberry-scented shampoo she uses in her hair, "So what's that, then?" she asks looking up at me.

"It's just trash that I haven't thrown away yet," I mutter and crumple up the paper.

Sayori frowns, dejected, "I wish you still made music. I loved listening to your songs."

I sigh, "I know, it's just that-"

Sayori seemed to have caught herself frowning and waves her hands in front of her nervously, "No, no, no, it's okay, Aki. I don't want you to force yourself to do anything for me," she finishes that statement with the fakest smile I've seen her put on in a long time.

Those smiles used to reassure me, they used to fool me into thinking everything was alright, but now they were merely a doorway into the darkness that shrouded her. It hurt me because I knew she didn't believe that she was worth me going back to music to make anything for her, but she was worth so much more than just a song. I just couldn't give that to her, I was no good at it. I'm no good for-

"I'm sorry I'm late!" Monika's voice permeates my thoughts as she barrels through the doorway nearly out of breath.

I slip my phone out of my pocket to check the time. Strangely enough, Monika was at least ten minutes later than she was the first time. I didn't think she would be late to the club meeting again, but I guess she really is determined to hone her piano skills.

"Well, it's about time," Natsuki declares as if she was actually annoyed with Monika.

Monika sets her schoolbag on her desk and shuffles over to us, her breathing was quick and irregular. She must've realized how late she was and ran all the way from the practice room.

"I know, I know, I'm really sorry, I didn't realize the time," she begins to catch her breath through her explanation.

Natsuki looks puzzled, "What do you mean you didn't realize the time? We have a bell, you know," the pink haired girl challenges rhetorically.

"She was probably just spending time with her boyfriend, Natsuki," Sayori says giggling childishly.

Natsuki looks at Sayori quizzically before realizing they already decided that Monika had a mystery boyfriend. She snaps her fingers, "Ohhh, that's right," Natsuki smirks as if she was a genius for finding out something she couldn't even confirm yet, "So, who is he, Monika? You have to tell us."

They were quite the spectacle, really. Sayori and Natsuki were looking at Monika like they were detectives interrogating their suspect while Yuri stood on the sidelines experiencing the conversation as an outsider. Honestly, if Sayori and Natsuki really were detectives, they would be the most unthreatening and least intimidating detectives someone could ever wish to meet. But, I'll give them credit where credit's due, at least they would be entertaining. I smile and roll my eyes while exhaling discreetly from my nose to avoid laughing out loud at how ridiculous they looked. As Monika reels from the sudden accusation about her love life, I take the time to shove the crumpled sheet music into my bag, "What-," Monika blinks rapidly as if she wasn't experiencing what everyone else was, "What makes you guys think I have a boyfriend?"

"Come on, Monika, really? First of all, you're pretty," Sayori begins listing on her fingers.

"Mhm," Natsuki nods her head in approval.

"You're smart."

"Right."

"You're athletic."

"Yep."

"Who wouldn't want to date you? I mean, it's like Yuri said, you're more desirable than any of us."

"Exactly- wait, what?" Natsuki, who was simply following the rhythm of Sayori's list, is caught off guard by that last statement, "Speak for yourself, Sayori," she crosses her arms and huffs.

Sayori smiles sweetly at Natsuki, "I am."

Monika smiles and shakes her head, "That's not true, though. You're all wonderful, and I'm glad to have you as my friends. It might seem a bit cliche, but any boy in this school would be lucky to have any of you by their side."

Monika had really done a number on the girls because they had all fallen silent. They each seemed to be reflecting on what Monika had said. Even I had to take some time to process it for a moment. The compliment had seemed to have come out of nowhere, but it struck home precisely as intended. And Monika definitely wasn't wrong in what she said, either. They were all unique in their own ways. A pulse of pain resonates from my foot. Yeah, very, very unique ways.

After a few more moments of silence pass Monika clears her throat, "And, by the way, I don't have a boyfriend. I was just practicing piano and lost track of time."

Sayori looks impressed by this, "You play piano, Monika? That's so cool!"

"Well, I just started, so I'm not that good at it yet," Monika says with a small giggle.

"Still," Yuri adds, "Learning to play piano and managing a club... you must have a lot of determination."

Monika smiles, "I wouldn't say determination. It's more of a passion than anything else."

"Wait a second," Natsuki chimes in, "How were you late? Even if you were playing piano, wouldn't you have heard the bell?"

Monika shakes her head, "I couldn't use the grand today because some of the drama students were practicing for the play, so I had to use the keyboards in the practice room. They come with headphones so you don't bother anyone else who's practicing so I never heard the bell. But anyway, let's get focused. I think that for today we should get started by sharing our poems with each other."

The same begrudging mood from yesterday overtook the classroom again today as Natsuki, Yuri, and I each realized that we actually had to share our poems with everyone in the club. Monika immediately went to the front of the classroom to the teacher's desk to presumably start getting some of the festival arrangements set in motion. I didn't believe that was the case, though, I think she secretly enjoyed watching people struggle to come out of their comfort zones. Maybe that's a stretch, but it doesn't make me any less uncomfortable with having to share my poems with these girls all over again.

Sayori digs through her bag and produces a crumpled piece of loose leaf paper and hands it to Natsuki. I suppose that they were going to start off as partners for today. That left me with showing my poem to perhaps the most qualified and critical person in this room. I tried not to project my discomfort with myself as I approach Yuri, "Hey, Yuri?" I sit down at the desk in front of her. I twiddle my thumbs as I catch her violet eyes peering at me from behind her book.

I knew exactly what she was trying to do. She was going to try to just continue reading as if that would make her invisible so she wouldn't have to share her poem. It was a trick I used to use way back when.

"Um," I open my notebook to the page where my poem was written on, "Do you want to read my poem?"

She reaches her hand out to grab my notebook and pulls it onto her desk. I'm pretty sure I had heard her say 'Okay' but she spoke so quietly that I wasn't sure if I had understood her correctly. Nevertheless, she begins to methodically scan my paper for several minutes. Over and over again her eyes bounce from line to line, from the beginning to the end, time and time again. Yuri's eyes catch mine before she clears her throat, all shyness she once possessed was discarded, "This is your first time writing poetry, correct?"

I remember the first time she asked me that question I had started to feel really proud of myself because I thought she was going to praise my writing. Instead, she thoroughly critiqued my work and left me with a lot to think about when I got home and had to write the next one.

I nod my head.

She brushes her thumb against her lips and thoughtfully skims over the paper once again, "Well," she sets the paper down on her desk, "For a first attempt, I wouldn't say this is bad. Rather, it lacks clear direction."

She definitely wasn't wrong. Last night I had so much going through my head that I just began writing without putting too much focus on what was going on the paper. So, in the end, I got a jumbled mess of words, ideas, and feelings all branching off into unresolved directions.

Yuri studies me briefly as if trying to see how I'm taking her criticism. When she notices that I'm looking back at her, her eyes flicker back to my paper as her face becomes flushed. She takes a deep breath and continues "I think that-" she takes a breath, "I think that your command of language is good. It can still be improved, but for a beginner, you're on the right track. And as I said before, you'll benefit from having a clear direction in your writing. Try to have an idea in mind before you start writing, even a simple prompt can serve as the structure for a whole poem."

She fidgets with her pen, "One more thing-" she stops mid-sentence and turns away from me, "I'm sorry," she stammers quickly.

I'm no less than puzzled, "Huh? What for?"

"I must be boring you, talking so much," with every word her soft voice manages to become even quieter.

"No, don't worry about that. I'm not bored at all. If anything, I appreciate you giving me all of this great advice. So, what was it that you were going to say?"

I try to contain this situation quickly and flash her a reassuring smile.

Yuri looks thoroughly embarrassed as she holds her gaze on the pen she's holding. She takes a deep breath and looks up at me meekly, "If- if you're sure."

"I'm sure."

It looks like it takes all Yuri has to continue this conversation, "I was going to say that now is the perfect time to start experimenting with your writing style. Just make sure not to stress your writing style too much, it can come off as pretentious. The best way that I've found is to give into the subtleties of your writing, I've always found my work flowed much better that way."

"I see. That's good advice, Yuri. Thank you," I bow my head slightly to her.

I really am grateful for the advice she gave me, it's what helped me start to become a better writer last time. However, Yuri looks redder than the apple I had for breakfast, "No- no, it's-," she looks defeated and simply hands me her own paper while avoiding eye contact, "Here."

As expected it's the same poem as the first time, "Ghosts under the light". And, as expected, I still can't gather meaning from it. It's occasional times like this when I read a poem from Yuri... Actually, almost every time I read a poem from Yuri I feel like my IQ isn't sufficient enough to understand the meaning behind her work. What's worse is that all I have to offer her for criticism is, "This is really interesting. I like the way you... used symbolism."

Brilliant. Truly brilliant. At this point, I might as well be the poster boy for the world-renowned magazine known as Idiots Weekly. If I was going to say, 'I like the way you used symbolism,' I would've just been better off by saying something like, 'I really like how you wrote a poem today.' And now I'm almost as embarrassed as Yuri, so we now have some common ground. Uncomfortable common ground, but common ground nonetheless.

Yuri gives me a tiny smile, "I'm glad you liked it."

It's like she didn't notice that she's talking to someone with the IQ of a used road flare. Well, at least that works in my favor. I hand Yuri's paper back to her and look over towards the other side of the classroom. Monika and Sayori are trading poems while Natsuki is occupied in the supply closet. As I stare at Monika's white ribbon, I remember our conversation from yesterday and how I told her that I wanted to take some time to get to know Yuri a little better.

Well, now was my chance. She's already sitting right in front of me, and this silence isn't going to get any easier unless I finally break it.

"Yuri," I blurt less than elegantly.

She looks at me curiously while combing her fingers through thick locks of violet hair.

"I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but are you from here? Eiochi, I mean," I ask.

Yuri seems taken aback by my comment, but she's certainly more intrigued than offended, "What makes you ask that?"

"Well," I begin, "I always had a feeling that you were from some high-class area in Japan, not Eiochi. I know it's kind of silly, but I just think you're so much more... I guess 'elegant' than anyone else here."

Once more Yuri studies me briefly as a tiny smile crosses her features, "My family actually just moved here two years ago."

I feel a bit more relaxed by her easygoing reception to my question, "Wanted a change of scenery?" I ask.

She shakes her head and creases the paper her poem is written on, "Nothing like that. It's just that, because of my father's work, we end up moving around quite a bit. We've gone through at least seven homes by now."

"Geez, Yuri, that sounds kind of rough."

I've had quite a few online friends like her who never stayed in one place for too long. It would often make it hard for them to make and keep friends. I imagine it's the same for Yuri in some ways seeing as how she isolated herself from everyone. Then again, it might not have been her choice to be so isolated.

"It's not that bad, really. I've gotten used to it," she says nonchalantly as if trying to assure her own self of that statement. She pauses briefly, softly biting her full, pink lips in thought. She looks like she wants to add on to her statement but decides against it.

"I see," I pause and glance outside the window, "I've lived here my whole life. In fact, I haven't even left the Tokyo prefecture more than two or three times."

Yuri joins me in looking out the window. The clouds that adorn the sky are painted pink and orange in the ebbing sunlight. From the crack in the window, the sounds of the evening traffic can be heard along with the sounds of the various sports teams practicing. Yuri rests her chin on her palm and closes her eyes, "I wouldn't mind spending my life here. It's so peaceful here in Eiochi, unlike the big cities. It's the perfect blend of urban and country living."

"Yeah, I guess you have a point. This place is beautiful."

As if nature wanted to accentuate my words, a gentle gust of wind coasts through the classroom as twin robins soar past the classroom's windows while singing their songs of the summer.

Detaching myself from nature's beauty, I glance to the back of the classroom to see Natsuki still meticulously sifting through things in the closet. I pick up my poem and stand up to stretch. When I drop my hands to my sides, I notice that Yuri's eyes are still closed. She looks so serene, "Yuri?" I call gently.

Her eyes flutter open, and her face turns red, "Ah, I'm sorry, were you saying something? I didn't mean to ignore you."

Back to normal.

"No, I didn't say anything. Don't worry about that. I just wanted to say thanks for sharing, and thank you for all of the tips you gave me, I'll definitely be keeping them in mind."

I smile at her and turn to walk towards Natsuki before she stops me, "W-wait a second," I turn around to see Yuri reach her hand into her well-organized bag.

She pulls out a book. It was the same book she had given me before: Portrait of Markov.

"I-I got this for you so you wouldn't feel left out in the club," she stammers while looking at the engraved title.

"You..." I stop speaking for a moment which makes Yuri glance up in worry, "You got this book for me?"

I feel like at this point she must've thought that she did something wrong as she meekly nods her head. I smile widely, "Yuri, that's so nice of you. I've been wanting to read that book for forever now, I just never got around to getting it."

That wasn't a lie. Even before I joined this club I had my eye on that book. I was considering a digital purchase of it on my phone but never went through with it.

Yuri extends the leather-bound book to me and I take it in my hands. It was the hardback edition of the book. I look at Yuri, "Is this your copy?"

"I had two of them," she states quickly.

I already knew that she had bought the extra copy yesterday, but I didn't want to press her further for something I already knew about. Instead, I just grinned like a fool while examining the book, "Well thank you, Yuri. I really appreciate it."

Yuri fidgets with her pen, "Also, um," she closes her eyes and sputters, "If you want, we can discuss some of the things in the book when you read it."

Her eyes remain firmly shut like she's afraid that I'll reject her idea.

"Definitely," I say, "I'm looking forward to it."

She seems visibly relieved, she even smiles. I tap her desk and begin walking back to my own. I put my bag on my desk and find a good place for the book where it won't get damaged. As soon as I'm satisfied and finish zipping the bag I head to the back of the room where Natsuki is.

* * *

"So, what do you think?" I ask apprehensively.

I think that out of all of the girls in the club, I was always the most nervous to show my poems to Natsuki. Not because I wrote to impress her, but because of how aggressive her critiques were. My poems were either horrible or a hair above horrible. And somehow we still became friends.

I bite my lip and begin tapping my foot. She was taking her sweet time reading that poem which was starting to make me nervous. Natsuki glances up at me from the page and sighs, "You really are new at this, huh?"

That was about the same as saying something like, _'That the poem was complete garbage and it should be purged from existence at your earliest convenience.'_ Well, not exactly _that_ extreme, but similar.

"Yeah," I frown.

Natsuki notices my sudden downcast demeanor and begins speaking, "Don't take it the wrong way, it's not bad, but... well, it's just that it's... weird."

"Weird?"

"Yeah, it's like you were trying to cram as much as you could into the poem. It's too complicated," Natsuki elaborates.

I scratch the back of my neck and study my shoelaces as I speak, "Yeah, I wasn't really focused when I was writing this last night."

I realize that I definitely shouldn't have admitted that to Natsuki as a scowl crosses her face, " Well, if you're not going to take this club seriously, then you know where the door is," she bites.

I shake my head quickly, "No, no, it's not that, I just," I rack my brain for the correct thing to say, "I just have a lot of personal stuff going on so I couldn't focus."

"Oh," there's a brief flicker in her cotton candy pink eyes as her expression softens. She mumbles something under her breath and hands my poem back to me. It seems like her hostile demeanor had all but dissipated. I feel like I may have just reminded her of her own 'personal stuff' by vaguely bringing up my own.

As Natsuki rummages through her pink schoolbag, I frown slightly and cross my arms in thought. Monika had said that she saw bruises once so, feeling like a creep, I begin to glance over the exposed areas of Natsuki's body. Her hands, legs, the back of her neck. Nothing, no indication that she suffered any abuse. I avert my eyes to the closed, gray closet doors.

As absurd as it seems, I was frustrated with not being able to find any signs of abuse. I just wanted to be able to find a way to help her as soon as possible. One of the hardest things to do would be to get her to admit what was going on, so finding any physical evidence would be the best way to go about it.

Suddenly, a rogue thought appears in my mind, one that I tried to suppress many times today: maybe her abuse wasn't just as simple as being struck or verbally abused. Maybe she was being- I bite down hard on my tongue and ball my hands into fists. If that were true, if her deadbeat dad really went so far as to do something that vile to her, I would-

 _Stop it, Akira._

 _Focus._

I dismiss the thought from my mind once more while attempting to calm myself down.

When Natsuki turns around, she does a double take and looks at me in disgust. I hadn't realized that I started frowning. She sticks her poem out to me, "Here's my poem. I can already tell that you're not going to like it," she folds her arms over her chest and avoids my eyes clearly wanting this exercise to be over as soon as possible.

I scan the paper taking in her cutesy handwriting and simple style of writing. I remind myself mentally that I need to get my sister involved soon, I just didn't know whether I should get a confession out of Natsuki first or not. I sigh inwardly and re-read her poem, this time taking care to actually digest what was written on the paper.

It was the first poem she had shown me, and I remember how I had practically fallen in love with it. It had spoken to me on a different level because its meaning reminded me of my father and sister. People around you could do all these great things, but all you can do is try. Try and fail. It was so true.

I bite my lip and collect myself, I suppress the memories of my father and put a smile on my face as I return Natsuki's poem to her.

"Well, Natsuki, you were wrong, I really enjoyed it. I like how relatable it is when you find the meaning."

Natsuki looks shocked for a moment, I can tell she didn't expect to be praised for her poem. Her cheeks become rosy, "You know," she begins defensively, "You can just tell me if you don't like it."

My grin deepens, "Oh come on, why would I lie about something like this? I'm being completely honest, I really liked it."

Natsuki takes the opportunity to start gloating, "Hmph, see, that just shows you that you don't have to make your stuff overly complicated."

She looks quite proud of herself... _and arrogant_. I guess that's fine.

"I mean, I never said you had to write anything complicated, Natsuki," I say.

She crosses her arms, "Yeah, well everyone in high school seems to think everything has to be so complicated or it's not taken seriously."

"I know what you mean, but it's really not a big deal. Nobody else's ideals will ever make your own any less valid, especially when it comes to something as personal as writing. And besides, sometimes one word can have more impact than a thousand of them," I lean back against the wall.

Natsuki puts her hands on her hips, she was fired up now, "Yeah! That's right! People think that everything has to be so complex when simplicity is just as effective," she sneers at me, "I'm glad you're not as dense as I thought you were."

If it's not one form of verbal harassment from this girl, it's another.

I shake my head, "You know what?" I hand her back her poem, "I'll take that as a compliment."

* * *

After Natsuki and I part ways, I head back to my desk and sit down for a moment to relax. There was nothing else for me to do right now anyway, I couldn't show my poem to Sayori or Monika because they were already in the middle of a conversation. I decide to listen in.

"Cupcakes!" is the first thing I hear, and it naturally comes from a very excited Sayori.

"You think we should do cupcakes?" Monika asks while tapping her pen against her lips.

"Yeah, that'll definitely get people interested in checking the club out. Plus, Natsuki will have a chance to show more people how good she is at baking!"

I see. They're discussing festival preparations.

Monika smiles gently at Sayori, there's a teasing glint in her emerald eyes, "Are you sure you're not just hungry for a cupcake?"

Sayori beams, "Cupcakes speak to my creative tummy!"

I rest my head on the cold top of the desk and smile, Sayori could say the most ridiculous things sometimes. I pull my bag up from off of the tile floor and place it on my desk as a makeshift pillow. Within a few minutes, I begin to feel sleep's embrace tugging at me. My eyes grow heavy and, with each second that passes, it becomes harder to fight sleep. Maybe just dozing off for a few minutes won't be too-

"Akira!"

I all but fly out of my desk, "Huh?!"

Sayori, who was crouched down in front of my desk, looks at me with a stern expression on her face, though there's a ghost of amusement in her eyes, "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," I mumble while rubbing my eyes.

Sayori frowns and stands up anchoring her hands to her hips, "You were trying to take a nap weren't you? This isn't the napping club, you know."

I lean back in my desk as my eyes adjust to the artificial room light once more, "Sayori, I wasn't trying to- Wait, this school has a napping club?"

"Aki," she sighs.

"I wasn't sleeping!" I protest.

"You were drooling."

"Sayori!"

"Have you been getting enough sleep? I know you like to stay up late watching anime and stuff, but you're in a club now so you won't have as much time for anime," Sayori states firmly.

I stand up and stretch, "Sayori, I sleep just fine," I then look out of the window while scratching the back of my neck, "I'm serious."

"You're lying, Aki," Sayori pouts.

I raise a brow at her, "What?"

"You always start scratching like that when you're lying."

Wait, was she really a detective? No, it was just that she knew me too well to let something like that slip under her radar. Honestly, it was a bit frustrating. I didn't want her to have to worry about me... and she doesn't want me to worry about her. What a predicament. Either way, I suppose I should just tell her. If I don't, I know she'll just end up pestering me about it until I do tell her. And I guess it's not much of a secret anyway.

I sigh and glance up at the lights that illuminate the club room, "I really can't get anything past you, can I?" I laugh dryly.

"It's just that," I lower my voice and pinch the bridge of my nose, I feel so weak right now, "Next week... my father... It'll have been three years."

I bite the inside of my cheek because I immediately regret telling her. I don't want her feeling bad for me or worrying about me, and I certainly don't want to have to think about next week. I'm so stupid...

"Oh," Sayori is visibly downcast, "I'm sorry, I- I didn't mean to tease you or anything. I just forgot that it was so close."

I shake my head and put on a smile in an attempt to cheer her up, "Don't worry about that, you wouldn't have known anyway."

It's true that she never would've known. I never talk about my father with her, not since the day he closed his eyes. In fact, I never spoke to anyone about him, not even my sister. It was too sensitive of a topic for me, that's why I've continually pushed it out of my mind until times like this where it crawls back to the surface to torment me. I sigh at the sight of Sayori's frown.

"So what about you?" I ask. It was my only way to steer clear of this topic, "Do you sleep enough?"

Sayori takes a moment to respond, so I answer for her, "You don't, huh? You know, you need to get your rest so you can wake up on time in the morning. You don't want to oversleep every day, do you?"

She taps her fingers together nervously, "I- I don't oversleep every day."

I snap my fingers, "Right, you're right! Only Mondays through Fridays, right?" I tease.

"Meanie..."

"And what's this?" I run my fingers along her soft, peach-pink hair, "I'm going to need an industrial-grade brush for this..."

I begin to make myself busy with straightening Sayori's stray strands of hair in an attempt to distract the both of us from what I said earlier. As I smooth out the last strand, I find myself chuckling, "See? Much better, and it didn't take much effort."

Sayori's cheeks grow red, "My hair is just hard to get right," she meekly protests.

"Sayori..." I begin to chide her, "Wait, what's this? A toothpaste stain?" I begin to wipe away at the offending stain on her shirt collar, but it refuses to come off, "So much for that," I mutter.

Sayori giggles nervously, "You don't have to do all of this for me, you know."

"Yeah, I know, but- you don't have your blazer buttoned up, either," I feel like I'm on some sort of parental autopilot as I begin to button her blazer from the bottom up.

I run into a sort of roadblock midway up her chest, "What? Why is this button so hard to close? Do these even fit you?"

"They fit me when I bought them," she assures me.

"Yeah, well if you ever buttoned this thing up you'd realize that they didn't fit any- agh, come on. This damn thing," I begin to curse at an inanimate object without realizing how stupid that must've looked.

Sayori giggles again, "What?" I ask as I suddenly realize that I made a severe tactical error. My heart stops as I realize that it wasn't the button's fault that I couldn't close her blazer fully. Instead, it was-

"This just means that my boobs have gotten bigger again!" Sayori announces proudly.

I'm in awe. I can't believe she just said that. She _really_ just up and said that, like it was a good thing. Well, it wasn't a _bad_ thing, but... _but what?!_ What the hell am I thinking?! I hastily withdraw my hands from her blazer as I feel my face heating up to feverish temperatures. Sayori just continues to laugh cheekily, "Aki, aren't you proud of me? I get all of my nutrients!"

And now she's just teasing me. This girl has completely turned the tables on me. Yet, as she's laughing, it suddenly occurs to me that she was just doing this because she understood that I wanted to take my mind off my father.

"Alright, you've lost it," I begin to laugh alongside her.

Sayori really knew exactly how to handle me, she could take my mind off of just about anything and turn whatever lousy situation we're in into a good one... or at least make it utterly ridiculous. Honestly, as much as she seems to be an airhead, Sayori was great at reading people and reacting accordingly. That must be why she's such a good Vice President. It's definitely one of the reasons why she's my best friend.

As our laughter comes to a close Sayori hastily unbuttons her blazer once again and breathes a sigh of relief, "This is so much better."

I roll my eyes in amusement, "Alright, free spirit, you ready to share poems?"

She nods her head eagerly and takes out her crumpled piece of paper that looked like it was torn directly out of her notebook. We exchange poems and begin reading.

Just like everyone else so far, her poem is the exact same as the one from last time. Dear Sunshine... there was a part of me that secretly wished that she was referencing me as her sunshine. I'd want more than anything to be the person to help her out of a slump, but I highly doubt that that's the case. If anything, I would be the opposite. For the past few years, I was probably the person shoving her further into her depression. But that's gone, things won't ever be like that again.

I smile at the last line and steal a glance at Sayori, 'I want breakfast.'

She obviously wrote it this morning, no doubt about that.

I rest my hands by my sides while waiting for Sayori to finish my poem. Every second that passed from there on out was long and... and nerve-wracking? _But_ _why?_ I was never nervous about sharing my poems with Sayori. In fact, she was the first person I'd go to share poems with because I was more comfortable sharing my work with a friend. But now? Now my heart won't stop trying to jump out of my chest. I just can't stop hoping that she likes my poem even though I know it's not a good one.

And now she's finished. I can tell. She's quickly skimming it again. She's probably thinking about ways to let me down gently. She-

"This is just like you."

If I weren't aware of how awful this poem was, I would've thought she liked it.

"You think so? You don't think it's just some jumbled mess? Because I- I mean-"

"No, I like it. It might be messy, but it's you, Akira. These are your feelings," Sayori says as she glances through it one more time.

I should've known that out of anyone who could've pieced together any meaning in this poem, it would've been Sayori. She knew me so well that she was able to decipher my own jumbled thoughts better than anyone else here.

"So, what about mine?" Sayori asks while slightly swaying side to side.

I smirk at her, "Well I can definitely tell that you wrote it this morning."

"I had eggs and toast!" she beams.

I fold her paper in half and hand it back to her, "I liked it, though. I had no idea you could write this well," I mumble that last bit more to myself than to Sayori.

"That one was okay, I guess," Sayori says, "But I'm going to write an even better one tomorrow!"

Her voice reaches levels that everyone in the room can hear as she happily pumps her fists in the air. I smirk at her, "Yeah, you better, because you're going to have some competition. You're about to witness the master at work."

What am I even saying? I'm not good at writing these poems, and I certainly wasn't going to write anything close to masterful. Substandard? Maybe. Masterful? Only in my wildest dreams. And even that was a stretch. Still, my misplaced determination did put a smile on Sayori's face, so I guess it was worth it in the end.

"Ooo~," Sayori smiles genuinely, "I can't wait!"

As she walks away humming cheerily I can't help but crack a smile, she really was something else. I turn to lean against the windowsill and gaze at the colony of sun-stained clouds that kissed the peaks of distant mountaintops. I rest my forehead against the cold glass window and tap my warm cheeks. It seemed like every time Sayori was around I would always get happier and dumber at the same time. It was like I had no control over the silly things I said. Like how I called myself Superman yesterday... there was no way in hell I would've said something that stupid to anyone else. I just never felt that I should, even when there were plenty of opportunities for me to make awful jokes I would just keep them in my head. But with her, I felt something else. Light? Free? I don't know. It's weird... but I didn't really want it to stop, either.

I look across the classroom and watch as Sayori talks with Natsuki. Sayori was smiling at Natsuki, she always did everything she could to make everyone feel like anything they had to say was interesting for her. She'd always smile widely, and you could see those little dimples on her cheeks... and if you said something even remotely funny she'd always give you that same, cute little giggle that just made my heart...

...

 _What was she doing to me?_

"Hey, Akira. Are you ready to-"

Monika's voice catches me by surprise and, as I attempt to whip around to look at her, I smash my head right against the window. Luckily, I didn't break the glass and cut myself, but I did get to find out how much harder that glass was than my head.

"Ah, shit," I suck air in through my teeth and grasp at my throbbing head.

Monika puts her hands over her mouth, "Akira, are you okay?"

I slump down on the floor with my back against the wall, "Oh my gosh," I mumble, "You scared the hell out of me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were so out of it," she looks back and forth at the window and myself while giggling, "And I didn't think your first reaction to me would be to slam your head against a window either."

So not only was she going to scare me, but then she was going to turn around and laugh at me, too? Absolutely zero respect in this club. Still... I guess I probably looked pretty stupid. This seems to be a running trend recently... me looking foolish and all. How flattering.

"Ugh," I grunt in annoyance.

Monika stifles her laughter and makes a quick trip to the teacher's desk before returning with a bottle of water, "I'm sorry," she can't stop laughing at me, "Here."

Monika sits down in front of me and hands me the cold bottle of water. I press it against my head and sigh in relief, the pain began to quickly dull in response to the cold sensation. Monika traces the cracks between the wooden tiles, "So," she glances down at the floor, "Before you decided to assault our window..." she giggles at her own joke and looks at me, "I thought it was about time for us to share our poems."

"Oh, right," I hand my notebook to the club president, "Here. It's uh- it's not that great, though."

Monika waves her hand at me, "Don't worry about that, I'm sure it's fine."

As Monika begins to read my poem, I close my eyes and begin to feel the pain in my head slowly subside. Soon enough I hear Monika clear her throat in a gentle attempt to gain my attention. I open my eyes to see that she's sitting in front of me with her hands clasped neatly in her lap.

I sit up a little bit, "So, what'd you think?"

Monika smiles warmly, "I liked it. Even though it seems like you took the opportunity to turn a poem into a journal, I still enjoyed it. It's almost abstract, in a way."

"Abstract? Like your writing? I don't think I'd be able to write like that," I say dismissively.

"Really?" she giggles, "Well, you just did. You don't have to write exactly like I do for your work to be considered abstract. Everyone writes in their own way, I know you'll find your style soon enough. And even if you're not proud of the way you currently write, keep persevering and trying new things. It's the only way you'll find what works best for you."

I smirk at her, "Is that your writing tip for today?"

"Ah, I didn't even realize it," she shakes her head and grins at me, "Thanks for listening!"

I roll my eyes at her token phrase and take my poem back from her. Monika pulls her own poem out of a well-organized green binder and gives it to me, "This one should be a little familiar to you."

I take the sheet of paper that is adorned with Monika's neat handwriting and immediately notice that it is a variation of The Lady who Knows Everything titled The Lady who Knew Everything. As I trace my fingers over the neatly written title, I can feel the indentations in the paper left by the ink pen, "You re-wrote this one?" I ask curiously.

Monika fiddles with a strand of hair, "I know it might be kind of unorthodox, but it just felt necessary for me to re-write it."

I begin to read her poem. It's a bit longer this time, and while it still draws parallels to her own self, it reads more like a story. Throughout the poem, Monika transports me through her own feelings of power, guilt, and hope. With every stanza I read, it began to feel like this poem was almost like an apology.

I bite my lip and re-read the poem quickly. There were so many things I had to say about it that I didn't even know where to begin. Monika fiddles with a strand of her brown hair while waiting for a response. I'm beginning to feel like a jerk for not saying anything, but I really don't know where to start. I suppose I could just start by being honest:

"This was really good, Monika. I think it's my favorite from you," I admit.

"Really?" Monika's voice has an edge of excitement and her eyes possess a child-like glow to them before she calms herself down, "I mean, do you really think so?"

"Yeah, definitely. It's great to see a genuine side of you coming out every now and then," I hand Monika's poem back to her.

A faint smile crosses her lips as she folds the paper in half, "Mm, I guess so," she then looks at me seriously, "How do you feel? About the poem, I mean."

How do I feel about the poem? Was she referring to what I had assumed was another apology? I suppose that's the only thing that would make sense.

"Well, I-" I pause suddenly as I catch on to a few unsettling words originating from across the classroom.

"If I wanted advice, I would've asked for it from someone who actually liked my poem. Which people _did_ like, by the way. Sayori liked it, and so did Akira too," Natsuki's cheeks are reddened in annoyance as she puts her fists on her hips.

"Oh no," I mutter under my breath realizing that Yuri and Natsuki were currently in the middle of their poem dispute.

"What is it- Oh," Monika frowns at the sight of Yuri and Natsuki arguing, "This again."

I looked over at my green-eyed companion and watched as a frown crossed her face. She sighs, crosses her arms, and looks at me, "We're going to have to stop them."

That surprised me. I hadn't expected Monika to want to outright stop them, in fact, I thought she would've wanted to do like me and just wait it out. After all, they did make up the very next day anyway.

"Stop them? Can't I just hide under the teacher's desk until they're done? I mean, you know they're going to just ask me who I'd rather side with, and I don't want to-"

"Akira," Monika states my name firmly.

I still try to weasel my way out of it, "You could just tell them I passed away."

"Akira, we have to," she insists.

As much as I really didn't want to, and as bad as it went the first time, I knew she was right. We definitely did have to stop this argument, or at the very least get them to see things from a different perspective. The last time this happened, I stayed quiet and let Sayori handle my problems, this time I'd have to take the reins.

"You're right," Monika smiles at me as I say it, "But, I'll handle it myself."

"Eh? Why? I thought you said we were a team?" to my surprise, Monika looked hurt by this.

"No, no, we are. It's just that I know they want my input for some reason," I smile at Monika reassuringly, "And you're going to back me up if I need it, right?"

Monika has a small smile on her face as she nods, "Of course, I'll always have your back."

There was something off about her expression, though. It was nothing that made me doubt her words, I knew she would support me, but I could tell there was something not right beneath the surface. And Monika's so complicated that I can't even begin to figure out what's wrong. I guess it really doesn't matter right now, though. I return her smile while still feeling slightly uneasy and make my way towards Yuri and Natsuki.

As soon as I get within a few feet of them Yuri turns towards me, her face is beet red and her eyes are in panic mode, "Akira! Don't listen to what she's saying, s-she's just trying to make me look bad!"

And now I'm in the thick of it. I hope I know what I'm doing.

"Tch, no I'm not," Natsuki crosses her arms and looks at me, "If she would just accept that not everything has to be as complicated as she is, then we wouldn't even be having this conversation. We are already talked about this, right Akira? Help me get it through to her that simple writing is more effective than writing where you have to look high and low to find some sort of meaning."

Yuri looks flustered, "I'm not- that- that's not what I'm saying at all! I'm just trying to get her to understand the reason why we have all of these descriptive words in our language. With proper usage, those words are the only way to effectively convey complex meaning and feeling. It would be a complete waste to push those words to the side. You understand that don't you, Akira?"

I understand that I don't like where this is going or that I even signed up for this in the first place.

Both Natsuki and Yuri look at me expectantly, "Well?" Natsuki glares at me with her pink, blazing eyes that just scream, _'I dare you to disagree with me,'_ while Yuri looks as timid as ever.

Looking at them both now leaves me unsurprised as to why I couldn't just pick one over the other last time. I was just too scared to disagree with Natsuki, but I also didn't have the heart to shatter Yuri's self-confidence more than it already is. Now, though, I really will have to make a decision. I would have to agree with them both and find a way to get them to see the other side of the coin.

"Natsuki, Yuri," I begin with a deep breath. "You guys are just looking at this wrong way," they crush me with their stares, but somehow I persist, "There's no one way to write that's better than the other. I mean, we talked about this, right Natsuki? 'No one else's ideals will ever make your own any less valid'. That goes both ways here."

Natsuki's expression softens, but she still doesn't seem ready to let go yet. Meanwhile, Yuri looks less intimidated and more interested than she did before. I can feel Monika's presence behind me, it soothes me and urges me to continue. "

You both wrote great poems today, and you're both great at writing in your own style. But would you actually want to live in a world where everything was written simplistically? Or even in a complex manner? I wouldn't, literature wouldn't be nearly as interesting. Wouldn't you guys agree that the reason literature is still such a prevalent form of entertainment and expression today is that it's so diverse in form and style?" I look back and forth between Natsuki and Yuri, "Look, my point is that you two excel at what you do, but you need to understand that one form of writing can't survive without the other and neither form is more valid than the other."

I take a breath.

Yuri sighs and bites her lip, "You're... you're right."

Yuri turns to Natsuki while fidgeting with her fingers, "I'm sorry, Natsuki. I didn't mean to offend you, I- I just-" Yuri's face grows red as she tries to search for the words to say, "I was just trying to compliment you. I really did like your poem, its simplicity was refreshing compared to what I usually indulge myself in."

Natsuki's cheeks are puffed out, and she can't maintain eye contact with Yuri, she scrapes her foot around in a circle a few times, "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have gone off on you like that," she says quietly, "I'm just so used to people treating my work like it's substandard just because it's simple, so I always have to defend myself. And I guess I'm just not too used to reading things with as much depth as your work has."

I'm stunned. This worked out so much better than I thought it would. I didn't even know what I was saying half of the time, I just went by instinct. I'm glad it worked out in the end, though.

Suddenly, a giggling Sayori wrapped her arms around Yuri and Natsuki and huddled them down to Natsuki's height, "You guys are so cuuute!" she coos.

"S-Sayori," Yuri tries to wriggle out of Sayori's iron grip in vain as her face becomes redder.

"I'm not cute!" Natsuki's cheeks become rosy as she tries to free herself from the involuntary group hug.

In the midst of the commotion, I hear Monika stifle her laughter. I turn around and notice that Monika has the biggest grin on her face that I've seen in a while. Her happiness is so contagious that even I begin to crack a smile, "What are you laughing about?"

"They're so adorable," Monika's voice cracks.

I glance towards the group of girls who are all still struggling in their makeshift group hug, though I can tell that Yuri and Natsuki don't dislike it as much as they're letting on. I smile at the silliness of the situation and cross my arms, "Yeah, they're really something else."

Monika's eyes are watery with laughter, and her cheeks are stained red.

With one last giggle she composes herself, "You did great, Akira. You're almost as good as Sayori when it comes to people."

I smirk and stare at my shoes before shaking my head, "Nah, that's not true. I'm nowhere near as good as Sayori. She's more of a people person than I'll ever be."

Monika only smiles and says, "You're a lot better at dealing with people than you realize," her expression turns from one of joy to a somber one and whispers to herself, "Though I'm still not sure if that's a good thing."

Wait, what? _'I'm still not sure if that's a good thing.'_ What did that even mean? Monika's face expressed an emotion I couldn't quite place. To say that it left me unsettled was an understatement. She looks so upset, but I can't figure out why. Was she actually crying because she was unhappy? But... her smile had been so genuine. I just don't understand at all.

Before I can get a word out Monika was already standing with Sayori, Yuri, and Natsuki, "Okay everyone!" she says loudly. You couldn't even tell that she had been upset, "I think we're about done for today. How did you all like sharing your poems with everyone?"

"It was really fun!" Sayori responds as cheerily as ever.

"It... it wasn't bad," Yuri agrees.

"I guess it was pretty cool," Natsuki says.

"Yeah, I liked it," I mumble while still absorbed in thought.

"Great, then we'll do the same thing tomorrow!" Monika announces, "Don't forget to write your poems and I'll see you all tomorrow! Have a great day!"

Yuri and Natsuki exit the classroom together while Monika makes her way back to the teacher's desk to collect her things. I sling my schoolbag over my shoulder and watch Monika's movements debating whether or not I should talk to her.

"Hey, Aki," Sayori brings me from my thoughts and back to reality, "Ready to go home?"

"Yeah," I swallow, "Uh, yeah, let's go."

I take one last look at Monika before Sayori and I exit the classroom. She looks completely content. Maybe... maybe I had just imagined it? I mean, she seemed to be so happy all day today, and I don't think there was any particular reason for her to be upset. Still, those tears told me a different story. I would just have to ask her about it tomorrow. If there was something bothering her, then I would do my best to help her. After all, I look at Sayori, she had given me my best friend back so the least I could do would be to support her if something was wrong.

Okay, so that's what I'll do. I'll just talk to her tomorrow and get to the bottom of this. It'll be simple. With newfound determination I begin my walk home with my childhood friend.

* * *

 **AN: Hello everyone! Sorry for this chapter being a little late, I didn't expect that it would take this much longer for me to complete it but it ended up being longer than I expected (I even cut some scenes). Regardless of the length and multiple re-writes of certain parts, I did have fun writing this chapter (particularly because I got to do more writing for our girls).** **Next chapter will probably be about another week out. Maybe longer because this is looking like it'll be a busy week for me, but I'll still try to deliver on time.**

 **Again, thank you all so much for the support! Your kind words and criticisms keep me motivated and fueled to keep writing for you all. So, until next time, have a great week!**


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